Marika Malaea

faithful marauder + fake royal

A Cake Tutorial/A Toast

with 8 comments

Cream cheese pound cake with vanilla-Grand Marnier whipped cream + summer berries

One thing to learn before baking a wedding cake:

Maybe don’t offer to bake people wedding cakes.

Cream cheese pound cake soaked in Grand Marnier simple syrup served w/ strawberry coulis

A few things I discovered during The Great Cake-Baking of 2010:

1. I am terrible at time management. See also: keeping cool under pressure, math, wearing a shoe that is not a sneaker, and staying positive.

2. Every hobby I discover and love is doubly more expensive than the last. I imagine my next hobby will be specialized camel breeding.

3. The straw that breaks the human spirit will always be something small and barely worthy of concern. I named mine The Dowel Tragicomedy (Volumes 1-12) and left it at that.

The Cake

The Cake consisted of three tiers:

Top – Three layers of dark chocolate cake, two layers of mousse filling.

Middle – Two layers of golden butter cake, one layer of white chocolate-cream cheese filling.

Bottom – Three layers of dark chocolate cake, one layer of dark chocolate ganache filling, one layer of mousse filling.

Frosted with a semi-sweet dark chocolate ganache. Major drool.

Final product. Cake topper consisted of their old iPhones.

One thing to know about baking a wedding cake:

Having fun is possible. A nervous breakdown is inevitable.

I did better than I thought. Raised my voice to shattering levels under five times, and only cried once. Those goddamn dowels.

Through it all was the Esq — washing dishes, leveling cakes, setting timers, running to the store, making coulis, and keeping me calm. We make a good team — kind of Laurel and Hardy-ish, or maybe King Kong and Jessica Lange (I like the 1976 version best), though the Esq would have to be Jessica Lange, and that’s kind of adorable and demeaning.

When I asked him what team he would compare us to, he thought about it and said, “I could go with Sarah Conner and the Terminator. You know, “I was sworn to protect her?” And I kind of sat there, blinking.

Without him, none of this would have happened, so it’s mostly thanks to him the cakes were baked and no one was killed. And I had fun doing it, and would probably do it again — sans the Esq, of course. That is my reward to him for all his help: He never has to help again.

One thing to remember after baking a wedding cake:

Missing the bachelorette party (you’d make an ass out of yourself, anyway — and you’ll save money!), missing the wedding (you’ll manage to see the ceremony video — thanks, Technology!), and freaking out for a week is totally worth it…

When the couple is worth the effort.

When you believe they belong to a secret underground society for unfairly-overmatched couples, where they probably get together with other perfect pairs and watch America’s Funniest Home Videos.

When you’re rooting for them to make it, like truffle pig rooting, or Superbowl rooting, or internet rewting.

When you think that being around them makes all relationships stronger, or maybe you secretly hope so.

When their relationship seems like destiny, even though you don’t believe in destiny; when it seems like luck, but you don’t believe in luck.

When the couple is admirable. Plucky. Sweet. Inventive. Cool. Bad ass. Deserving. (And above all else: FUN.)

When you believe their future will be sweeter than the cakes you’re baking.

Thanks for making it look easy, Prestons! You’re just a pair of horribly awesome hope-givers. Congratulations!

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Written by sn0tteh

August 22, 2010 at 5:25 PM

Posted in Uncategorized

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8 Responses

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  1. Making your wedding cupcakes and pies was actually fun…but I had the best weapon of all for help: Mike Burkhart!!!

    LilRed

    August 23, 2010 at 7:12 AM

  2. I was going to say: Had I the Mike Burkhart weapon, things would have been a little different. 🙂 But I loved those cupcakes!

    sn0tteh

    August 23, 2010 at 8:48 AM

  3. Aw, thanks, Marika! The cakes were so good and we are so glad you made them and put in so much work! You rock 🙂

    Monica Guzman Preston

    August 23, 2010 at 10:59 AM

  4. Heehee, they are totally worth it 🙂 I was a little bummed to not get to hang with you at the bachelorette party, but we’ll just have to make the Prestons have another wedding later (and you not make the cake!).

    Beth

    August 23, 2010 at 11:31 AM

  5. Thank you SO MUCH Marika – the cake was amazing, and I love the fact that YOU made it and not some store nobody cares about!

    Jason Preston

    August 23, 2010 at 5:59 PM

  6. @Monica @Jason Like I said, y’all are worth it. 🙂 Now go forth and have babies and spread the word of technology.

    sn0tteh

    August 23, 2010 at 7:49 PM

  7. @Beth I know, wish we could have had more time to hang! Don’t worry, I’ll make you and the wee one a cake after he/she arrives. 🙂

    sn0tteh

    August 23, 2010 at 7:49 PM

  8. This is amazing! I know what you mean about hobbies getting expensive! Maybe we should do this Camel breeding thing you speak of together? Save some money!
    I LOVE the iPone topper idea! Did they stay lit?

    Michelle Auer

    September 21, 2010 at 11:04 AM


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