Marika Malaea

faithful marauder + fake royal

Dear Coachella, Are You Kidding Me

with 8 comments

Dear Benny Benassi, Céu, Deer Tick, Grace Jones, Echo & The Bunnymen, Grizzly Bear, Jay-Z, La Roux, LCD Soundsystem, Little Dragon, Passion Pit, Ra Ra Riot, The Specials, Vampire Weekend, 2 Many DJ’s, Bassnectar, Camera Obscura, Corinne Bailey Rae, DEVO, Dirty Projectors, Faith No More, GIRLS, Gossip, Hot Chip, John Waters, Mew, MGMT, Muse, Pretty Lights, Sia, The Raveonettes, The xx, Tiesto, Tokyo Police Club, Z-Trip, Zoé, Charlotte Gainsbourg, De La Soul, Deerhunter, Gary Numan, Gorillaz, Little Boots, MUTEMATH, Orbital, Phoenix, Sly & the Family Stone, Spoon, Sunny Day Real Estate, Thom Yorke, and Yo La Tengo:

I should be going to see all of you at Coachella this year, because the line-up is ridiculous. No, really. Shame on you for appearing with so many amazing bands that will be completely unavailable to the likes of me. Maybe this is payback for never technically paying for your music – oh c’mon, torrents are awesome –  but BE THAT AS IT MAY, I’m still supremely disappointed. Throwing my bra at Thom Yorke would’ve been the highlight of my year.

Alas, it’s always the celebrities, tech people (Microsofties, Amazonians, Silicon Valley folk), and those with credit cards (college students, young dentists, people with jobs) who go every year. I don’t really fall into any of those categories – I have a couple of jobs, but I seriously just got a freaking bank account. Now I have to try and put money into it, which is more challenging than filling a lion’s den with infants. After money is deposited, it’s taken right back out – for bills, meth, whatever – and then something like Coachella comes along, making me regret I paid those bills in the first place. Who needs deli ham when Zooey Deschanel will be wandering around the venue? In fact, who needs to eat at all?! I’d save so much money if I gave up food.

I have to remember these three important things:

1) I detest crowds. Remember my post about surviving Bumbershoot? Crowds often play a recurring role in my nightmares – along with infidelity and elves, though never simultaneously.

2) I refuse to pay for water. Water is something we need to live, but not at five dollars an ounce. It would be easier and more affordable to find heroin at Coachella. Snotty + large-concert venue = dehydration and/or death.

3) I’m broke. Nothing’s getting around that obstacle.


The reality is this:  if a ticket floated out of the sky and onto my face and my non-existent phone rang with the offer of a ride and I happened to have the time off from the job I don’t actually have yet and my digital camera was fixed so there would be evidence I’d went… then yeah. Hell to the yeah. I would so go. I’d suck it up and dive into the crowd, take extra shifts at work for an Agua Fund, buy some sturdy shoes from REI, and fake a love for camping. That’s how fun this line-up looks: I’d camp. Which is the opposite of being campy, something I’m far better at doing.

I worry that by the time I can afford to do stuff like this, I won’t be interested – or I’ll be one of those crotchety ‘hates crowds, never goes anywhere’ people – or I’ll be 89. I’m kind of there already. I just don’t want a lack of funds to keep me from doing what I want and making good memories in my life. I’ve always envied my friends who fly to different cities – or countries! – for something like a concert. That’s like taking a bath at two in the afternoon: extreme luxury. We don’t even have a bathtub.

I wouldn’t mind doing it once, though, especially with this line-up. I wonder if I can make it happen, or if I should just attempt it next year – some mulling must be done. Number one selling point so far: it’s not in Texas. Number two seller: more sun than Seattle.

Mark my words, I’m going to post the exact same thing on my blog, in three months’ time, when Sasquatch tickets go on sale. This is a time-honored, annual, WILL SHE/WON’T SHE blog feature – because the internet cares about the concerts I’m not going to. YES, YOU DO.


Written by sn0tteh

January 19, 2010 at 4:10 PM

8 Responses

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  1. My question is this: Why is a post called “Living with a Pregnant Woman” automatically generated as a “Possibly related post”? Have I missed the connection? Has my grasp of the English language finally started slipping away?

    On an actually related note – O! M! F! G! If there’s any possible way for you to go, then YOU MUST GO to Coachella. Just thinking about camping makes me vomit a little in my mouth, but I would be there in a heartbeat if money were no object. Sadly, money is always an object. A disappearing, ghost of an object.

    Maybe someone with a “MOHO” will come to your musical/cultural rescue and deliver you to Indio in style!


    January 19, 2010 at 6:14 PM

  2. …maybe I’m complaining like a pregnant woman? Maybe pregnant women won’t go camping? Who knows, technology is dumb.

    I’d like to go, but feel it’s too expensive. I “feel” it’s too expensive because I haven’t “looked” at the prices because I don’t want to “know.” Sigh.


    January 19, 2010 at 6:20 PM

  3. “Car camping” is TOTALLY cheap! But I never look at the actual ticket prices because the first – and last – time I did I was soooo disappointed.


    January 19, 2010 at 6:40 PM

  4. Okay, yeah – not going to look. I prefer living in a fantasy world where going to Coachella could *possibly* be an option in the way, way future.


    January 19, 2010 at 6:43 PM

  5. We went to see Rage Against the Machine at Rock the Bells a few years ago. It was then I decided that festivals are for the young.


    January 19, 2010 at 8:18 PM

  6. @Libby I already know that festivals are for the young. I’m just in denial about my age, stamina, sound sensitivity, and finances.


    January 19, 2010 at 8:25 PM

  7. just wait until Feb. 16th when Sasquatch releases their line up, I’m sure many of these bands will be there and it’s close so you won’t be as disappointed.


    January 20, 2010 at 3:47 PM

  8. @stacymarie Very true! The only problem being that Sasquatch is held at The Gorge, and I can’t do The Gorge anymore. 😦 I’ve never had a good time there. I imagine I’ll try it again someday, but it’s not a good venue for me.


    January 21, 2010 at 10:49 AM

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