Marika Malaea

faithful marauder + fake royal

Snotty McSnotterson: Olympian

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Like many vaginas out there, I fall for cutesy shit. Baby pandas, kittens inspired by kittens, interspecies snorgling, novelty items, adorable monsters, and mustachioed things drive me matzo balls in the brain. I guess I’ve embraced my inner six-year old.

Looking for a six-year old to embrace? Too bad, it’s illegal. But if you’ve always wanted to be in the Olympics, like me, here’s your chance! Enter the PlushYou! Olympic Challenge – you have until January 22 to sign up. ‘But Snotty, you’ve never made a plushy before.’ Irrelevant, I say. I’d never made a human before, either, but the monster turned out okay. A little mouthy like his mom, but you can’t expect everything to be a bacon-flavored miracle.

The Dealio:

1) Sign up: email kristen(at)schmancytoys(dot)com. In the subject, put “Schmancy Olympic Games.”
2) Everyone’s names will go in a hat, and your category will be randomly picked.


a) Figure Skating
b) Skiing
c) Opening Ceremonies
d) Bobsleigh
e) Made-Up Sport**

3) There will be five judges who will vote for the Gold, Silver and Bronze medals.
4) Final date for submissions (photos only) is February 26.

**If you get this category, you will be asked to give a short synopsis of the sport. You make a plush toy and it’s judged, basically. Very, very simple.

Finally I’ll be able to say I’ve been in the Olympics. Sure, it’s centered around plush toy-making, but I’d like to see Michael Phelps try it. I’m not doing this to win, really, it’s just creativity yoga; I aim to be craftier and more DIY this year, so I’m starting off with something that will stretch and amuse me. And of course, it’s all about the ‘hee!’ Maybe I’ll make a plush Barfy McBarferson, since that’s my reaction to cute things of this nature. ‘Oh em gee! HORK.’

Perhaps you’re thinking, ‘But I’m colorblind and missing a hand – what an exercise in futility!’ You’re not totally blind and you have another hand; think of this as a fun opportunity! A fun, futile opportunity.

If you’re in Seattle and want to give it a whirl, let’s fail together! I think this will be redonkeywonkulous.


Written by sn0tteh

January 18, 2010 at 12:33 AM

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