Marika Malaea

faithful marauder + fake royal

G’Don’t, Mate

with 4 comments

Me: What other country would you like to live in, Oren?
Oren: Russia. No, just kidding.
Me: Ahhh, motherland!
Oren: Jamaica.
Me: Oh, really.
Oren: No, I think I’d want to live in Australia.
Me: No.
Oren: What?
Me: Yeah, NO.
Oren: Why?
Me: My son is not living on a penal colony.

Oren: Ewww, a what?
Me: A penal colony.
Oren: Did you just say ‘penile?’
Me: Uh-huh. It’s an entire island filled with penises.
Oren: (laughs) Gross.
Me: You don’t know what a penal colony is?
Esq: ‘Penal’ as in ‘penalty.’ See, the British didn’t know what to do with all of their criminals; England is a tiny island and they had nowhere to put them. So they sent them all to Australia. And they sent them there because it was one of the worst places on Earth.
Oren: I thought they had awesome cities.
Esq: They have two cities, and the rest is kind of an uninhabitable wasteland.
Me: And they were awful to the Aborigines.
Esq: Yeah, they’re all pretty racist.
Oren: Well, they have cool accents.
Me: Cool for a barren island filled with bigoted felons, sure.


Me: Were we too harsh on Australia?
Esq: Australia is a country where someone could run for office as a fascist and get the majority vote.
Me: Yeah, fuck Australia. I never want to go there. But I’d go to New Zealand!
Esq: And climb Mount Doom!
Me: OH MY GOD. We need to get married at the top of Mount Doom.
Esq: Indeed.
Me: That way I can walk down the aisle to the Imperial March from Star Wars. It’s perfect.


4 Responses

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  1. You would look fabulous walking down the aisle with your hair up like princess leia!

    matthew thompson

    October 17, 2009 at 5:20 PM

  2. @matthew You said ‘Princess Leia’ and I’m IN!


    October 19, 2009 at 4:50 PM

  3. New Zealand? New Zealand? Do you know these are a people who, when they had a power crisis, ran a major city’s electricity with FERRY boats?!?!?


    November 8, 2009 at 8:51 PM

  4. I did not know that. Though I’m not surprised.


    January 17, 2010 at 11:59 PM

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