Marika Malaea

faithful marauder + fake royal

Ode To An Asshole

with 8 comments

I dedicate this truly awful reaction poem to the jackass who wouldn’t stop gawking at me:

My boyfriend wants you to stop penetrating me

Creepy dude with the unblinking gaze

Your beady, burning eyes
Shoot straight into my spine
Malicious-driven shivers!

Feels like you’re licking the inside of my skull
Running a snakey tongue
Along the fissures of my frontal lobe
Dipping into my eye pockets
And making my nose tingle

(And my stomach clench)
(And my teeth grind)
(And my brow furrow)

Watching you watch me
Makes my boyfriend’s beard seem far away

Unhand me with your peepers, sir

STOP STARING AT ME, ASSHOLE

-mb

To read a real poet, visit my friend Kate over at her blog, Good Egg. Of course, it’s more of a food blog, but still – at least I know one poet. Actually, I know three.

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Written by sn0tteh

September 28, 2009 at 5:10 PM

8 Responses

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  1. You’re a pretty good poet in an abstract sorta way. I felt like I was right there with you. 😉

    I’ve had the privilege of having two staring men follow me around at work on two separate occasions. The first showed me a photo inside the book, “The Joy of Sex” and asked if the model’s penis looked too big. The second one told me that if I’d lost a little bit of weight I would look JUST like Anna Nicole Smith. Both times I almost hurled and/or beat the greasy fuckers with my shoe.

    Carrie Gunn

    September 28, 2009 at 6:48 PM

  2. That was… *sniff*… so heartfelt and emotional.

    Badass Geek

    September 29, 2009 at 7:25 AM

  3. @Carrie OMG I could not stop laughing at your comment. THE JOY OF SEX?! I would DIE.

    sn0tteh

    September 29, 2009 at 8:09 AM

  4. @Badass Geek I’m glad you connected with it viscerally, too. This shit is right up there with Robert Frost.

    sn0tteh

    September 29, 2009 at 8:10 AM

  5. Who are the other two poets?

    Ham Sandwich

    September 30, 2009 at 2:34 AM

  6. @Ham Sandwich My brother and my dad.

    sn0tteh

    September 30, 2009 at 2:27 PM

  7. carry a water pistol, and squirt him like a bad kitty.

    matthew thompson

    October 1, 2009 at 2:30 PM

  8. @matthew I might do that – I have to see him on a regular basis. Or maybe a semi-automatic weapon, maybe that would do the trick.

    sn0tteh

    October 1, 2009 at 2:41 PM


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