Marika Malaea

faithful marauder + fake royal

List: Porn I’ve Never Seen

with 8 comments

Tantric: When sex, Pilates, and a snail’s pace intersect. The equivalent to this must be watching paint dry, or waiting for your Achilles tendon to heal.

Little House on the Prairie: Who was the blind chick? She was hot. Added bonus: she was blind. I always had a thing for Michael Landon – I blame him for all the gay men I fell for, later on in life.

Sky-diving: I’ve mentioned this before, but seriously – it has to be really difficult, if not totally impossible. Even naked sky-diving – sans sexual activity – seems fairly dangerous, like your skin will shred and rip right off the faster you fall.

Blackface: I mean, most porn is already in poor taste, right? So this is just taking it 82 steps further. Or maybe it’s 82 steps backwards. Racism is so retro.

Amish: Ooooh, the missionary position in the dark, how wild. The really naughty stuff probably includes zippers and electricity and methamphetamines.

Gay: There are certain proclivities that I abstain from, and one of them is watching dudes get it on. I don’t object to it or anything, I just can’t relate.

Handicapped: Like Murderball, only in bed.

Office supplies: If furniture porn exists, office supply sex can, too.

Mime: TOTAL SILENCE IS CREEPY, especially during sex. And if you think about it, it’s like the complete opposite of blackface; it’s whiteface. Maybe they could be companion videos.

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Written by sn0tteh

September 23, 2009 at 8:18 AM

Posted in Uncategorized

Tagged with , ,

8 Responses

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  1. Mime porn? Sounds horrific, but it probably does exist.

    Badass Geek

    September 23, 2009 at 10:21 AM

  2. @Badass Geek It has to – some kind of sexy tribute to Marcel Marceau, perhaps. And yes, horrifying.

    sn0tteh

    September 23, 2009 at 10:23 AM

  3. You don’t know me but…

    I have always wanted to see deaf people porn. Do they yelp and howl in place of dirty talk. Or is ther emuch slapping on the back of the other’s head then a frantic flurry of sign language that mostly is a finger going in and out of the OKAY sign?

    icarushasfallen

    September 23, 2009 at 10:48 AM

  4. @icarushasfallen I don’t know you, but I’m glad to meet you, if only to have read this comment. I think I can clearly picture what deaf porn would be like, but I’m pretty sure I wouldn’t watch it. For long.

    sn0tteh

    September 23, 2009 at 3:22 PM

  5. OMG AMISH POINT.

    franco

    September 23, 2009 at 9:57 PM

  6. @franco Amish FTW!

    sn0tteh

    September 23, 2009 at 9:58 PM

  7. Amish… Oh my God! your post’s name is “porn i’ve never seen”/ do you really want to see that kind of porn?? I would not like to. really!

    jimmynorth

    September 24, 2009 at 12:34 AM

  8. @jimmynorth It’s entitled “Porn I’ve Never Seen,” NOT “Porn I’ve Never Seen That I Want To Watch.” I don’t really watch porn all that much – why watch when you can have the real thing?

    sn0tteh

    September 24, 2009 at 12:44 AM


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