Marika Malaea

faithful marauder + fake royal

Honky Trails To You

with 3 comments

While driving back from our vacation on the Oregon coast, we were passed by a big ass truck. A conservative estimate would say it was the size of a Stegosaurus that’s giving birth to a T-Rex:  as tall and dumb as it was wide. It was black as night, speck-free, and ‘car commercial’ shiny. The beast was clearly beloved by the cracker inside.

The semi-semi-truck, once it stopped in front of us, turned out to be a GMC 3500 (you know what  4×4 is? this is like an 8×8), and a treasure trove of shriek-worthy details:

Bumper sticker #1: Image of a bucking horse + ‘Don’t Get Too Close, I Might Kick!’

Bumper sticker #2: GIT-R-DONE

Back window sticker: A cowboy on a bucking horse, black and white.

Truck net across the back: ‘BULLY’ 

Silver storage locker, probably filled with ammo.

License plate: I BUCK

Muffler: the diameter of Carrot Top’s head, including hair.

On the enhanced front grill, twice: HELLA

HELLA, indeed. That’s a lot of accoutrements to what I assume was a pricey penile extension to begin with. We passed by Beef Bend Road with him in front of us, and I wondered if he was making some kind of Toby Keith gesture, fist pumping high in the air, all while rubbing one out and screaming ‘GOD BLESS AMERICA!’ 

When we finally passed him, me craning my neck to see inside (to no avail), I said to the Esq, “Did you see the guy driving?” His response: “No. He was far too high up for my mortal eyes to see.” 

It’s good to be back.


Written by sn0tteh

August 20, 2009 at 4:11 PM

3 Responses

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  1. I drive a big truck, but not that big. And it’s not all decked out with a bunch of crap that basically screams “I’m compensating for small genitalia!”

    Badass Geek

    August 21, 2009 at 8:31 AM

  2. No silhouette of a naked female on the mud flaps?

    matthew thompson

    August 21, 2009 at 2:50 PM

  3. Love it.


    August 24, 2009 at 10:54 AM

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