Marika Malaea

faithful marauder + fake royal

Beat the Heat Tweets

with 4 comments


Thanks to this ridiculous heat, I’ve wanted to flatten, handicap – and at the very least, divorce – everyone around me that I’ve ever met ever. But if you can’t randomly execute people without legal repercussions, Twitter will let you whine and complain and snark about the soul-crushing heat until your heart is fully satisfied. So basically, Twitter is the reason that you’re still alive. You and you, and especially you. Here’s a round-up of The Heat Tweets, so I can look back on them in January with envy and amnesia:

Doom! Doom, I say!

I’m a leetle raisin in the sun.

It’s heat like this that makes me appreciate being testicle-free.

Ice cream = attitude adjustment, altered mood, survival.

I just saw a guy running in this bitchy pizza oven weather, the idiot.

O Wretched Heat! O Fiery Night! Oppression is thy Nickname! Release me from your Sultry Claws and speak no more of Sunshine!

If this weather holds, my relationship won’t last a week. Who can be NICE in this kind of weather? It’s humanly impossible.

Favorite Facebook comment of the day: “Even the sunset was an ember I wanted to spit-extinguish.”

I swelter! I languish! Rinse, repeat.

Having a cast sucks. Having a cast in 90-degree weather really sucks. Breaking out in hives in a cast in 90-degree weather is where I’M at.

I don’t get paid to believe in the power of positive thinking, so yes, we are ALL going to die from heat suffocation tonight.

The heat is so pervasive, I can feel my sweat glands growing back-up sweat glands to keep up w/ mass production.

Woke up to stifling heat. I get my new cast today, which I have lovingly nicknamed ‘The Giant Cup-O-Sweat.’ Also, I blogged. Next up: dying.

Heat positive: my adorable bf wandering around in his underwear. Heat negative: we refuse to touch each other. It’s just. too. hot.

I am the proud owner of a garrishly hot pink WALKING CAST (!!!) and a terrible, heat-related attitude.

Today is a face-melter. Proof: I have no facial features left.

We are heading towards A/C as fast as these gimpy legs will take me. Air-conditioning, we’re gonna make sweet sweet love.

It’s supposed to be 100 degrees tomorrow. Satan, take thy sweaty horrid nutsack of doom elsewhere, sir.

Eating fresh blueberries, watching Jeopardy in the A/C. Absolute heaven.

Air-conditioned me = wonderful, wonderful, wonderful, wonderful.

At least it had a happy ending.


Written by sn0tteh

July 29, 2009 at 10:08 AM

4 Responses

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  1. I’m pretty sure I’m going to sleep in my office tonight….sweet, sweet AC


    July 29, 2009 at 10:39 AM

  2. Everybody loves a happy ending. I, too, am languishing in the comforts of A/C right now. God Bless modern technology!


    July 29, 2009 at 3:33 PM

  3. @stacymarie Seriously, the A/C has been a godsend since we’ve been staying at the Esq’s parents house. Unfortunately, we go home today.


    July 30, 2009 at 11:47 AM

  4. @Carrie Hooray for you and your coldness!


    July 30, 2009 at 11:48 AM

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