Marika Malaea

faithful marauder + fake royal

Conversations With The Monster

with 11 comments

The redhead, every time.

The redhead, every time.

It could take forever:

Oren (10yrs old): (reading online) “Discover yourself?” What?

Snotty: You know.

Oren: How do you discover yourself?

Snotty: Oh, one day you’ll find out, although I’m still waiting.

A trademarked army of two:

Oren: Mom, are you still an atheist?

Snotty: Yes, happily.

Oren: I’m an atheist, too!

Snotty: Why?

Oren: We’ll be the Atheist Alliance! AA! We’re the AA!

Snotty: I think Alcoholics Anonymous has a lock on that, so we should think of something else.

Oren: Ok, how about… the Atheist Intellectuals Group. AIG!

Snotty: Uh, NO. I  won’t be associated with those people.

Oren: Well, what about the Atheist Alliance Army? AAA?

Snotty: Triple-A?

Oren: Yeah!

Snotty: You really have a knack for acronyms.

Oren: I don’t even know what a knackronym is.

Snotty: How about we come up with something that isn’t already trademarked?


Snotty: That’s the spirit.

I heard they have more fun:

Snotty: Are you interested in girls yet, like for-reals?

Oren: Yeah.

Snotty: No, really, I’m serious.

Oren: They’re all right.

Snotty: You don’t have a girlfriend, do you?

Oren: No, but this girl in our apartment complex thinks she’s my girlfriend.

Snotty: Is she… uh… so what’s she like?

Oren: (wrinkles nose) Not my type.

Snotty: That’s hilarious, you have a ‘type,’ I’m going to kill myself.

Oren: What do you think my type is?

Snotty: Well, I don’t like blonds, so you’ll probably bring home one of those.

Oren: Yeah, probably.

Snotty: But here’s who you should bring home, in order of follicle importance: redheads first, brunettes second, bald chicks third, and blonds LAST.

Oren: How about black hair, blond hair, and then redheads?

Snotty: Dude, redheads are hot and totally majestic, but fine, whatever. We’ll continue these negotiations at a later date.


11 Responses

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  1. Snotty, you are such a fucking dick.

    Bree...the blond.

    July 12, 2009 at 6:50 PM

  2. Typical blond answer, said the self-righteous brunette.


    July 12, 2009 at 7:04 PM

  3. What if he brought home gray-haired woman? I saw one at the Taco Bell drive-thru the other week. She was like 20.


    July 12, 2009 at 9:04 PM

  4. I AM hot and totally majestic!


    July 13, 2009 at 6:07 AM

  5. Only if it was gray like Stacy London and NOT like the Queen of England.


    July 13, 2009 at 8:39 AM

  6. @LilRed I was thinking of you! Also Joan from Mad Men.


    July 13, 2009 at 8:40 AM

  7. What if she’s Icelandic?


    July 13, 2009 at 9:13 AM

  8. @Bree Then she’s probably either Bjork or racist… which I’m okay with.


    July 13, 2009 at 9:19 AM

  9. Small gene pools are all the rage.


    July 13, 2009 at 2:00 PM

  10. @mkhblink You mean like an Israeli or a Russian gal? I wouldn’t mind. She’ll love my waxer.


    July 15, 2009 at 10:32 PM

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