Marika Malaea

faithful marauder + fake royal

Ass-Kicker, Name-Taker

with 13 comments

Can you smell what Snotty is cooking?

More like essay-writer and wallet-drainer. Remember, I’m a Hugo House laureate? I’m raisin’ money for the Good Word! So this is the part where you start closing the door and say you don’t mind going to Hell. Forever. WITH SATAN. And his girlfriend, Avril Lavigne.

Who am I raising money for? Richard Hugo House – Seattle’s answer to the question, “Where do writers go?” Hugo House is ‘a center for literary arts that supports writers of all ages and backgrounds and promotes the creation of new writing’, which is somewhat boring for a mission statement geared towards creative writers, but! – that’s not the point. Snotty McSnotterson wants a free Hugo House membership (members get better workshop prices) and a chance to attend the final event of the 2009-2010 Hugo Literary Series, mostly to sit in the laps of all the famous people featured authors you’ve never heard of. Oh, and the money goes to a great non-profit, and blahdy blah blah. I’m charitable!

Here’s how this will work, because I’m not about getting something for nothing (except for Christmas, Valentines Day, my birthday, Mother’s Day, my son’s birthday, whenever my boyfriend takes the hint and brings home flowers “just because”, Halloween, Boxing Day, Thanksgiving, and Yom Kippur): we’re going to have different levels of giving, just like in a whorehouse.

Barack Obama raised a lot of money asking for $10 donations – and then he became President of the United States. Either way, I like those odds – so that’s where we’ll start.

A $10 donation gets you:

Your own blog post, length to be determined, that features you 1) dying spectacularly, 2) living dramatically, or 3) whatever surprise lies behind Door #3. Frightened? I would be, too.

A handmade thank you card from me (in your snail mail, even!) that will make you laugh and cry. The crying is most likely from the anthrax, but it’s hard to tell from all the laughing.

Twist: instead of a blog post about you, you may nominate another person to be written about, whether it’s for good or evil; the same guidelines apply. That also goes for the homemade card; if you’d like me to send a personalized note to someone saying ‘Congratulations on your mixed-race baby!’, I’m in.

A $20 donation gets you:

-A zine: the culmination of my writing this month from the “secret” Hugo House blog; out of the 20+ writing prompts, I’ll pick the best essays/results and make them into a zine, complete with artwork, and personalize it – then send it your way so you can be all, ‘Artwork, my ass.’ None of the content picked for the zine will be seen on this blog.

-A public thank you in the form of a tweet that hails your finest qualities; penis size not included.

A $50 donation gets you:

Your own blog post in the form of a review, i.e.; I will review you. If you’ve never read my reviews, go check out the skull-fucking food review, my take on Bumbershoot, The Curious Case of Crappy Movies, or my Yelp reviews. If we don’t know each other, then I’ll have to interview you, won’t I? My psychic powers should come in handy, too.

Baked goods from my own kitchen! The type of treat will vary, depending on your location. If you live in Seattle, though, you can bet on cake and cake with a side of cake.

Twist: same rules, different donation. I’ll review whatever you’d like – or whoever – and also bake for someone else, if you’d rather share your glory. I’m flexible.

-The zine, highly personalized.

-Public tweet & thank you.

You know you wanna even though the economy sucks and you’re probably unemployed and you’d rather save it for weed or cheeseburgers or the new Star Trek movie and who cares about amateur writers on Capitol Hill – but the more classes I take at Hugo House, the less fragments and run-ons I’ll write when I’m begging you for money. At Hugo House, I’m reminded that I’m living in literary obscurity, but also that I’m not alone in that endeavor. Hopefully, though, with more feedback and opportunities to write and get exposure, my obscurity as a writer won’t last forever. If you can help me in this, I’d appreciate it more than Sally Struthers appreciates pulled pork sandwiches. And the children – don’t forget about the children.

To see my official profile and public begging paragraph (they made me do it), go to the laureates’ page. If you’d like to donate directly to the Hugo House website – it’s all tax-deductible – click here and write ‘Snotty McSnotterson’ in the Dedication field (that’s so I get the credit – I’m required to raise $145 but want to raise more, of course – prizes! – oh, and giving to a good cause and la la la-la-la. Also: PRIZES!). They’ll keep me updated on who’s donated and how much, but if you’d like to remain anonymous, that’s cool, too. If you want to give or send me money, like a check, that’s weird but also fine; shoot me an email and I’ll send you an address for the person collecting pesos for me. It’s first come, first serve – so if you donate first, I’ll send you the goods first. Now I sound like a drug dealer.

Thank you in advance and for spreading the word! The fund-raising lasts until June 5, 2009. The next day, I’ll be in workshops at Hugo House all day for Write-O-Rama, creating content and starting new work – some of which will make it into the zine, if you’re lucky enough to get one! I actually have no idea what a zine is, but I will find out or die trying.  Until then, donate!


13 Responses

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  1. So if I make a donation, and my employer matches it, then what do I get 😉


    May 27, 2009 at 10:11 AM

  2. LOL, Jen – you get to battle it out with my mother, who will probably want to donate the most. 🙂 I’m sure I could find something very special for anyone who wants to OVER-DONATE, heh.


    May 27, 2009 at 10:48 AM

  3. well, I made my donation, but didn’t meet the minimum for my employer to match it ?!? still – i sent you money. i have the proof.


    May 27, 2009 at 10:55 AM

  4. Yay! You rock, Jen G. 🙂


    May 27, 2009 at 12:15 PM

  5. Is this donation tax-deductible?


    May 27, 2009 at 12:36 PM

  6. Absolutely! It will say so on the donation form, methinks, which can be found through the link I provided. So now you can donate thousands! 🙂 Just kidding.


    May 27, 2009 at 12:37 PM

  7. Hey- I totes wanna support you, but don’t wanna join NFG- I’m already a member of too much of that crap with my job anyway. Can I send you $, or paypal or something?


    May 27, 2009 at 1:59 PM

  8. Ive donated…..$20 to the Human Fund. In your name.

    now where in fuck is my grilled cheese!


    May 27, 2009 at 7:25 PM

  9. Nothing to do with me giving you money, but the 826 concert made it into daily candy.


    May 28, 2009 at 6:28 AM

  10. Charity is against my religion, but I’ll cast a spell on your enemies for free.

    Derek Young

    May 28, 2009 at 2:00 PM

  11. Ha! As if YOU would be allowed to have a religion. 🙂 I’ll take the free smiting, though – thanks!


    May 28, 2009 at 2:02 PM

  12. FRACK, I want that CAKE. I think I can only afford $10 or $20 though. I want to donate, though, for realsies.


    May 29, 2009 at 5:57 PM

  13. I would get one or two more people to go in on it with you, but then keep the cake for yourself. 🙂


    May 29, 2009 at 6:04 PM

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