Marika Malaea

faithful marauder + fake royal

Happiness Is A Dwarf From Middle Earth

with 7 comments

My boyfriend's boyfriend.

My boyfriend's boyfriend.

Let me say, right off the bat, that there are millions of women worse off than me. I get that I’m complaining about something that other women have to deal with in suffocating droves, and that my problem is just slightly annoying, at best. I understand that the addictive vehicle I live with (the almighty PC) cowers in the shadow of What A Chaotic Clusterfuck It Could Be (XBox, PlayStation, Wii), so I try to balance my resentment with a little bit of gratitude steeped in deep-seated,enduring resentment:  the forever kind. I’m talking about being a video game widow.

There needs to be a support group for people like me, the kind where I can scream and cry and complain and stomp around ineffectively with other neglected women.  I’m thinking of a safe place that we can bring photos of our loved ones, and photos of their carefully-groomed, half-human characters they spent hours creating and maintaining (also known as ‘hours they could be taking out the garbage or getting laid’), and throw flaming bags of shit-covered knives at them repeatedly. Another good idea would be a ‘Not Single or Unhappy But Seriously Over It’ group on Facebook for likewise-ignored individuals, or troll eHarmony.com together looking for better, more attentive partners. Or maybe we could start a fight club. I’m still working it out.

The Esq doesn’t game like he used to – and he certainly doesn’t geek out like he wants to – but for myself, it’s all about timing. When I’ve kept myself busy and out of his way (“out of his way” means lurking around the corner, whining my face off) – or actually left the house to avoid the building resentment (this is much healthier for me) – I expect a couple of pleasant gaming hours for him/lunching-with-girlfriends time for me, and then voila!–it’s over. We then spend time together and pretend like video games never existed, forever and ever, amen. But that’s not the case, and you seasoned video game widows all know it – I’m sure you’re all laughing at me, unsympathetically.  You know the #1 rule of gaming:  THE GAME NEVER ENDS. And when it does, there’s a new one released right as the old one is dying – it’s the closest they’ll come to the Circle of Life, or Elton John for that matter. The sentence ‘okay that was fun, but I think I’ve had my fill of video games for the rest of my life’ is never coming out of his mouth. I swear I knew that – but now I’m actually living it.

I’m sure if I had a better strategy, or used my words like a big girl, I could communicate my displeasure more effectively, but instead what happens is this:

Snotty:  ME! ME! ME! ME! MEMEMEMEME!

Esq:  Gamegamegamegame…just for a little bit!

Snotty:  HA HA DON’T MAKE ME LAUGH I KILL YOU.

Esq:  I love you! You’re the best!

Snotty:  DIE YOU GAME-PLAYING MOTHERFUCKER DIE!!!!!!

Esq:  Please be reasonable.

Snotty:  Me me… me?

Esq:  ….

Snotty:  SURE. WHATEVER. I DON’T CARE. LOOK AT ME NOT CARING.

Esq:  Love you!

Snotty:  SEE YOU IN NINE DAYS, IF I’M EVEN STILL ALIVE THEN.

Esq:  Mmhmmm.

Snotty:  FINE, I’M GOING OUT.

Esq:  Where?

Snotty:  TO FIND A NEW BOYFRIEND WHO’S NEVER HEARD OF VIDEO GAMES.

Esq:  Mmhmmm.

Snotty:  I’M GOING ON A KILLING SPREE, RIGHT. NOW. I’M BURNING DOWN THE HOUSE.

Esq:  Mmhmmm.

Snotty:  I’M SLAMMING THE DOOR! I’M TWEETING ABOUT WHAT AN ASSHOLE YOU ARE! I’M WRITING A BLOG ABOUT IT! MY FACEBOOK STATUS UPDATE IS GOING TO HEAR ABOUT THIS!

Esq:  Have fun!

What I’m saying is:  resistance is futile. All the immaturity in the world isn’t going to tear down that wall, and believe me, I’ve tried. At some point, I’ll end up re-living my middle school days where I staged my own murder with ketchup and rope – back when I was an only child and thought I ruled the world. He probably won’t even notice.

It’s not really frequency that bothers me, because the Esq doesn’t game on a daily basis, although I know he’d like to. It’s that I’m competing with anything at all. I am not an only child, but I have Only Child Syndrome paired with Queen Bee Entitlement coupled with Whiny Sibling Rivalry – and a finely-tuned barometer for what I can get away with, which is usually everything. I think being ignored when I display this hideous behavior is technically called ‘getting my comeuppance.’

I love my computer geek. And when we met, I loved that he was passionate about so many things:  law, justice, technology, philosophy, literature, music, his own opinions, being right, gaming, and me; I still love those things, even the ones that take him away from Us. But the gaming – OH MY GOD THE GAMING – for some reason, it’s the one thing that gets me into a shotgun-and-shovel mood. And I’m freely admitting that he doesn’t really game that much – how much is ‘that much?’ more than ten minutes? – although God help him if he was single. I doubt he would ever leave the house.  I’m tempted to work something out in the future where we’re together but live in separate homes, but that seems too close to an open relationship, and you know how those turn out. With my boyfriend going gay and me adopting cats, that’s where. AGAIN.

I forget what I was complaining about; guess I just needed a brain dump. It’s time to get the monster and build a rocket ship, which we will be racing tomorrow at 826Seattle for their Great Space Race. I swear on the life of Zombie Jesus, the Greenwood Space Travel Supply Co. is the coolest place in the galaxy. Go there.

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7 Responses

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  1. You need to play the games with him. Seriously, you have no idea how therapeutic it is to shoot the hell out of someone, steal a car, kill a hooker, rob a bank and kill some aliens all on a Tuesday night. My ex and I used to plan evenings around playing Gears of War. He got to geek out and I got to spend time with him….plus kill some foo’s. It’s pretty awesome.

    stacymarie

    April 28, 2009 at 4:45 PM

  2. I fer-real LOLed over this for a long, long time.

    sn0tteh

    April 29, 2009 at 12:40 AM

  3. He only plays PC games, and they’re never the stuff I like. I have to learn actual skills on how to be a mage, and fucking fuck mages, whatever those are. I’m still looking for something we could do together besides Dr. Mario and Tetris (my personal faves). I like killing stuff, and so does he, but in totally separate worlds. Was hoping Spore would be our neutral ground, but that lasted two days.

    sn0tteh

    April 29, 2009 at 12:41 AM

  4. Wii?

    Matt

    April 29, 2009 at 6:14 AM

  5. We don’t have a Wii, but we play it a lot at our parents’ houses. 🙂 I would be fine with one, but he would have to double his playing time.

    sn0tteh

    April 29, 2009 at 2:19 PM

  6. oh, i’d always heard that wii was for old people so i figured you had one and….

    …oh shit…

    😉

    Matt

    April 30, 2009 at 5:56 AM


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