Marika Malaea

faithful marauder + fake royal

Snotty Facebook Quizzes

with 16 comments

What Kind Of Woman Are You?

You are the kind of woman with a vagina. You are unchecked, unmedicated, and your feet sometimes stink. You judge others and the types of Facebook quizzes they take. Your life aim is world domination and obscene wealth; your weakness is your peg leg. You make friends easily and steal from them. You’re bitchy 3/4 of the month, and blame it all on PMS. You refuse to pee in public restrooms and have an addiction to overpriced lip gloss. You laugh at Hitler jokes, occasionally fart in public, and worship pork over all other gods. You’re the type of woman who deserves whatever she wants and will stop at nothing to get it. You make a lot of sacrifices – moral, animal, human – and hope to lead your own cult one day.  You’ve got style, that’s what all the girls say.

I took the “Where Should You Be Living?” quiz and it said “Your mom’s house.”

Your mom’s house rocks. She cooks for me and I use her free Wi-fi for days. Your mom basically gave me your old room, and was like ‘Oh let’s take all this junky stuff to the Goodwill and buy you some real sheets!’ Your mom is so nice; she does my laundry and makes me crust-free sandwiches. She buys me stuff at Target and Costco, which she never did with you because she doesn’t really love you. She told me that, she said you were an accident and that your father could be anyone. Your mom used to be wild, I can’t wait to share all the detailed stories she told me over two bottles of wine. Also, your mom’s a total MILF, and I think she’s into me. Maybe in the future you can call me ‘Stepmom’ and we can march in the pride parade together. We can go shopping for toys together at Babeland and maybe eat at The Honey Hole and ugh, stop sobbing already.

I took the “What Bible Character Are You?” quiz and the result is: GOD

You’re omnipotent, and enjoy a good smiting every now and then. You have a lot of confused followers you’re obligated to like, and despite all the rumors, you hate Hollie Hobby, rappers, and Ned Flanders equally. You like a good challenge, but everything comes easy to you (except making clear who your true believers are). You have a good heart and you mean well, but your job is tough and humans are complicated. Sometimes you wish you could go on vacation to Maui, just like everyone else. I mean, you made the fucking place.

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Written by sn0tteh

March 18, 2009 at 7:48 PM

Posted in Uncategorized

Tagged with , , , , ,

16 Responses

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  1. yes. that could have been waaaaay more offensive…

    Matt

    March 19, 2009 at 2:20 AM

  2. a friend of mine once took the “napoleon dynamite” quiz, and it told her she=tater tots.

    Matt

    March 19, 2009 at 2:21 AM

  3. I adore your take on the Facebook quizzes. Although I’m a little disappointed you didn’t take the “Which Bon Jovi song are you?” quiz.

    Who doesn’t like a good smiting every now and then? C’mon. 😉

  4. Sadly, I think my Bon Jovi song is ‘Wanted Dead or Alive.” It’s a good song!

    sn0tteh

    March 19, 2009 at 8:02 AM

  5. She *does* equal tater tots, dude.

    sn0tteh

    March 19, 2009 at 8:03 AM

  6. “No offense to the peeps who love Facebook quizzes, but they just seem so… seventh grade and Myspace-y,” she said smugly ON HER BLOG.

    LOL OMG LMAO!!!

    Manthony

    March 20, 2009 at 2:01 AM

  7. I kind of don’t get what you’re talking about because then I said how immature and Myspace-y I was, but I’m sticking my tongue out at you.

    sn0tteh

    March 20, 2009 at 3:44 AM

  8. She replied, in the comment section, OF HER BLOG.

    It’s not that I disagree with the Snotsress, I just also agree with Manthony…

    Matt

    March 21, 2009 at 12:31 AM

  9. Again, if y’all are going to insult me, you really have to explain what you’re talking about. Or, drop it. (I’m not kidding, I’m feeling kind of dense because I seriously don’t know what you guys are going on about.) But lololol anyways 🙂 That help?

    sn0tteh

    March 21, 2009 at 1:02 AM

  10. Oh I was just making fun of myself and you and everyone else in the world, it wasn’t meant as an insult. I find the internet in general to be “so seventh grade” so I thought it was funny how you were making fun of the surveys on your blog since blogs are often seen as being just as “high school” as the networking sites. You know, ’cause they involve using newfangled technology that only those damn young whippersnappers know how to work! Besides, I had to take mock offense since I frequently tag you in my facebook surveys…

    (Also, I spent my entire elementary, middle, and high school career waiting to enter the “real” world of grown-ups. And then I thought maybe I missed out on it because I hadn’t gone to college or worked in the corporate world. Now I’m finding out the worst news of all. THERE IS NO ESCAPE FROM SEVENTH GRADE!!! It is the same damn stuff out there in the “real” world except with fancy diplomas, business suits, and corporate jargon pasted over it.)

    Manthony

    March 21, 2009 at 10:51 PM

  11. PS: Kudos to Matt for “the Snotstress.” Especially since it can be broken up into two great words, “snot” and “stress!”

    Manthony

    March 21, 2009 at 10:53 PM

  12. Um. Your fake LOLs is unsatisfying.
    Must work harder for comedic cohesion.
    Many apologies.

    (Imagine an awshumely apt lolcat inserted here, one that scales new heights of lolness, and let that serve my penance).

    Matt

    March 22, 2009 at 4:14 AM

  13. Manthony explained it, and I don’t get it, and yet I do. I smart. ❤

    sn0tteh

    March 22, 2009 at 6:32 AM

  14. There is no escape from 7th grade. It’s the most depressing thought I’ve had today, after ‘I wonder if I qualify to donate plasma.’

    sn0tteh

    March 22, 2009 at 6:33 AM

  15. Whether you think you get it or you think you don’t, you’re right! (Even I don’t know exactly what THAT means, but it sounded appropriate. Like what Jane probably thinks a haiku would be.)

    It is pretty depressing to think there’s no escape from 7th grade. I was sobbing to myself as I was typing. Luckily, I’ve now realized that if the masses are that simple, they will be easily led. How do you think Madonna got to where she is now?

    Manthony

    March 22, 2009 at 4:31 PM

  16. YOU AM SMART!!!! YUYS!

    >8-)

    This is my “Bert” emoticon. ©pending, I’m sure…

    Matt

    March 24, 2009 at 6:42 AM


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