Marika Malaea

faithful marauder + fake royal

Getting Pwned By Your Offspring

with 19 comments

Precocious little focker.

Precocious little focker.

This is one of my favorite memes I’ve done on Facebook because it includes my ten-year old son, Oren.  It basically consisted of asking him questions about us – some Q’s were from the original meme, some were made up or modified – and getting his take on what the Esq and I are all about.  Most of his answers had me laughing out loud – it’s all about perception.  If you have kids, this is a great way to be in their shoes.  And one thing’s for sure:  my kid is FUNNY.  I approve.

Observe:

What’s something that Mom always says?

Oren: ‘I love you’ and ‘Don’t forget to poop.’
Me: I just say the poop thing because of–
Oren: –MOM. I KNOW.
Me: Fiiiine…. but pooping is import–
Oren: –MOM!!!

What makes Justin happy?
Oren: You! And Lord of the Rings online.
Me: I’m going to pretend you didn’t say that.
Oren: It’s the truth!
Me: Mom can’t handle the truth, son.


What is something Mom does that makes you laugh?

Oren: Worships bacon. You’re so weird.
Me: YOU’RE weird for NOT worshiping bacon.
Oren: But I’m half-Jew!
Me: Non-practicing! Doesn’t even count.

How old is Justin? 29, 30 (he’s 27).
How old is Mom? 23.
How old is Mom, really?
32.
And how much does Mom weigh? 110 pounds.
And how much does Mom weigh, really? 110 pounds.
Me: Good boy.
Oren: You’ve been 110 pounds since I was four.
Me: I’m consistent.

If your Mom becomes famous, what will it be for?
Oren: Most famous blogger.
Me: YES!!!
Oren: Whatever THAT is.

If Justin becomes famous, what will it be for?
Oren: BEING THE LAW.
Me: He’s not “the law.”
Oren: He’s the law at YOUR house.
Me: Touche.

What is Justin really good at?

Oren: Games. Being a lawyer. Doing stuff.
Me: “Doing stuff”?
Oren: You know, like… I …like his t-shirts.
Me: Yes, he certainly is good at wearing t-shirts.

What is your mom’s favorite food?
Oren: I forgot that information YEARS ago.
Me: EPIC FAIL. Allow me to introduce you to bacon-wrapped EVERYTHING.
Oren: How about bacon-wrapped poop?
Me: You never know.

How are you and Justin the same?

Oren: We both like video games. Computers. We both love you.
Me: Awwww!
Oren: Shut up.

What is Mom NOT very good at?

Oren: Games that I like. You’re probably not good at strategy games, ’cause you’re a girl. You’re good at puzzle games, but you’re lazy.

What do you think Justin was like at your age?
Oren: We have such different personalities – but he was probably way smarter.
Me: Pshaw.
Oren: MOM.
Me: Yeah, he probably was. But he was smarter than most adults when he was your age, so I wouldn’t worry about it.
Oren: He’s crazy smart.

What was Mom like at your age?
Oren: Crazy.
Me: Crazy smart?
Oren: Just crazy.

What cities were we born in?
Oren: Justin… somewhere in America.
Me: Very specific.
Oren: And you: somewhere outside of America.
Me: That’s pretty accurate.

What is Mom’s favorite thing to do?
Oren: Be on the computer. Give me hugs and kisses. BLOG.
Me: I’m surprised how well you know me.
Oren: I think you’re addicted to blogging!
Me: I CAN QUIT ANY TIME I WANT TO.

What does Mom do for her job?

Oren: Blog. Do you do the Snotty blog for your job, or the neighborhood blog?
Me: Neighborhood – although that’s not making Mom famous. Might have to ramp it up over at Snotty. YOU don’t read that blog, do you?
Oren: Dad says it’s too inappropriate. He blocked it.
Me: Dad would be right, for the first time ever.

What kind of law does Justin practice?
Oren: Drunk people?
Me: ‘Drunk people’ is not a type of law.
Oren: The Internet?
Me: Internet law?
Oren: Construction?
Me: Are you just blindly throwing random words out there?

How do you know your mom loves you?

Oren: Because I do, DUH.
Me: No examples, huh?
Oren: NEXT.

Where is Mom’s favorite place to go?

Oren: Probably either a mall or Dick’s restaurant.
Me: A MALL?!
Oren: Or Dick’s!

How tall is Justin?
Oren: I do not know. I’m not as tall as him, but I’ll totally make up the difference someday.

What is Justin NOT good at?
Oren: Nope.
Me: ‘Nope’ is not an answer.
Oren: He’s not good at anything! Wait. He’s not NOT good at anything. Does that make sense?
Me: NOPE.

What kind of cartoon characters would we be?
Oren: Justin would definitely be Bugs Bunny. You’d be the hunter dude.
Me: I’m sorry, what? I would be ELMER FUDD?
Oren: And I would be Daffy Duck!
Me: I hope Elmer Fudd looks like a Powerpuff Girl.
Oren: They both own guns.
Me: Close enough.

Oren, do you know how much I love you?
Oren: TOO much.
Me: Yep.

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Written by sn0tteh

March 8, 2009 at 9:48 PM

Posted in Uncategorized

Tagged with , , , , , ,

19 Responses

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  1. BWAHAHAHAHAHA!

    Manthony

    March 9, 2009 at 1:18 AM

  2. I’m going to ASSUME you’re laughing WITH me. Or at least *next* to me.

    sn0tteh

    March 9, 2009 at 1:21 AM

  3. Indeed. Got your message btw and I just got off work and need to change and wander home. Bryn was sick earlier so I may or may not wander by. I’ll text you if I’m able.

    Oh! And I thought of you on Wednesday when I had a client who makes wedding cakes. She just moved here from NYC!

    Manthony

    March 9, 2009 at 1:24 AM

  4. I need her number. We need to make bake and eat cake together RIGHT NOW.

    sn0tteh

    March 9, 2009 at 1:36 AM

  5. OMG?!?!?!?! IS THAT ZACH EPHRON?!?!?!?!!?

    y’know… in that photo’n’shit?

    Matt

    March 9, 2009 at 5:39 AM

  6. Oh, goddamit….

    I was just inadvertently corrected my Manthony. I thought it was “Zac Efron,” but then I “corrected” it because of your post. Sn0tty!! Stop dragging me down into misspelling with you!

    Matt

    March 9, 2009 at 5:55 AM

  7. LOLOLOLOLOL @ “drunk people” and “construction” law. Hilarious.

    konichiwa, bitches.

    March 9, 2009 at 10:31 AM

  8. The Esq was like, well…it’s not far off.

    sn0tteh

    March 9, 2009 at 4:01 PM

  9. This is hilarious! If I wasn’t at work, I’d be laughing out loud at each one.

    BTW, Manthony, I could use the name of the wedding cake client. My son lives in Seattle and is getting married this summer. 🙂

    Toni

    March 9, 2009 at 5:03 PM

  10. I’ll take one like yours. If only kids could be selected out of a catalog…

  11. They can. It’s called ‘adoption.’ But that doesn’t guarantee personality 🙂 Any kid of yours would be bursting at the seams with character, that’s for sure.

    sn0tteh

    March 9, 2009 at 7:06 PM

  12. Glad to know that I’m keeping people up-to-date on their celebrity name spelling skills.

    And I’ll look into contact info regarding the wedding cake lady, although I don’t go into work until Saturday so it might be a while. I know she lives in the Greenlake area at least!

    Manthony

    March 9, 2009 at 10:02 PM

  13. Remind me why pooping is important again?

    matthew thompson

    March 9, 2009 at 11:56 PM

  14. …pooping is important because he went a whole week without pooping and I had to hold his hand in the bathroom at the doctor’s office for hours, trying to reassure him it was okay to go. But he refused. Oh, the tears and the screaming and the begging – it was a fucking nightmare. I will NOT go through that again.

    sn0tteh

    March 10, 2009 at 2:38 AM

  15. that’s so cutely funny!!
    btw oren is a cool name

    franco

    March 10, 2009 at 2:41 AM

  16. Thanks! I named him myself. 🙂 Well, his dad, too but whatever.

    sn0tteh

    March 10, 2009 at 2:43 AM

  17. I’ve been in the same position as you in regards to the pooping issue. I held the hand of a friend and she cried with pain while she AT LAST relieved herself. I cried with mirth because the pile came out of the toilet… but that’s another story. Ahh… memories.

    p.s. thanks for the compliment about my offspring. One day we shall see, eh?

  18. Manthony – thanks! That would be awesome. 🙂
    Snotteh – I’m not sure if you got my email or not, but I’d love your list too, when you get a chance. Thanks!

    Toni

    March 11, 2009 at 4:14 PM

  19. I fully enjoyed reading that 🙂 I hope to meet Oren someday!

    Joanna

    March 12, 2009 at 9:48 PM


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