Marika Malaea

faithful marauder + fake royal

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with 10 comments

I was observing/half-participating in a conversation on Saturday that I finally had to abscond from in order to successfully transcribe it. It was 1) ridiculous, 2) entertaining, and 3) without any rhyme or reason. Here are my favorite excerpts from the hysterically-cliche ‘college stoner’ conversation:

…I just think it’s interesting, man, that the only time our world will come together is to fight an attack from OUTER SPACE.   Fuck being AMERICANS, man, we’ll be motherfuckin’ EARTHLINGS. [Response: “Whoa….”]

…that’s totally what the Republicans are all about – it’s all about keeping people fearful of the unknown. Hey, [this bad thing] MIGHT happen to you, so watch the fuck out! When all I wanna say is: the unknown is beautiful, okay? It’s fucking beautiful. [Response: “Fuckin’ A.”]

…and it all comes down to race in this country. Watermelons and shit? What the hell was that all about? Racist assholes. I worry, I’m not going to lie – I really worry about Barack Obama. [Response: “I know, right?”]

…WE HAVE THE TECHNOLOGY. You flew a monkey to the moon but you have no room to explore other galaxies? What is UP with that? I believe. I KNOW there’s other life on other planets. We’re not the only ones! [Response: “Monkeys?… like, monkey-monkeys?”][Sub-response to that: “Ewwww!”]

…yeah, man, our band rocks fuckin’ hard, man. You should totally come to a show, it’s pretty live. We rock hard, and it’s pretty hardcore. We’re a metal band, and we rock pretty fuckin’ hard. [My response: “You mentioned that. Metal – my fave.”]

…don’t tell me you haven’t heard about the 2012 thing?! Oh, DUDE. [My response: *walks off*]

…you know, I’d be really happy if women struck these phrases from their vocabulary: what he said was “X” but what he meant was “Q”; I could tell he was thinking “X”; I’m sure he wanted to “X”; just because he did “X” doesn’t mean “X”; when he finally does “X”, we’ll be stronger as a couple; I just don’t know where this is going – I wish he would make up his mind about “X”. If you constantly talk yourself into being with your hideous boyfriend, you deserve what you get. [Response: “God, Marika, you’re so harsh – you know he’s an idiot.”][My response: “Obviously I’m talking about you, but I mean this for all women – do yourself a favor and stop believing your own lies. You’re doing 300% of the work by worrying and freaking out at home, while he’s off doing his ex in Texas. I’m sorry, but HE is not the idiot.”][Sub-response: *walks off*]

…can you touch the tip of your nose with your tongue? [Response: “Duh!”]

…economic what-EVER, we need LOVE. And hugs! [Response: “Oh. My. God.”]

…it’s ancient wisdom and shit. The robots, the Chinese, outer space, LIFE… it’s all out there for the taking. [Response: “What the fuck are you talking about?”][Sub-response: “I don’t know, man… I don’t know.”]

…there’s a right way to make a S’more, and then there’s YOUR way. [Response: “Fuck you, dude.”]


1. Everyone swears a lot.
2. No one makes sense.
3. I inevitably offend someone with the truth.


Written by sn0tteh

March 2, 2009 at 5:39 PM

Posted in Uncategorized

10 Responses

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  1. i LOVE hearing stoner conversations, they are hilarious


    March 2, 2009 at 5:47 PM

  2. So how are Brock and your brother doing these days?


    March 2, 2009 at 7:05 PM

  3. Yeah, right. Haven’t seen them in the same room since Christmas. This was most of our neighbors and some of their friends I’d never met.


    March 3, 2009 at 2:01 AM

  4. Seriously. And they *always* think they’re coming up with the newest thought processes. Like no one has ever thought about Earth being invaded by aliens.


    March 3, 2009 at 2:02 AM

  5. Julianna wants it noted that she grew up in a tiny little town outside of Amarillo. She didn’t read the post. She has no idea that it isn’t really about Texas. Upon seeing the picture of the map of Texas she said, “Post on Marika’s blog that I grew up in a tiny town outside of Amarillo.”



    March 3, 2009 at 2:53 AM

  6. Please let Julianna know that I was born in a town called Fagalii in American Samoa (Samoan G’s are pronounced as NG, so it’s ‘Fong-a-lee-ee’), and that it has nothing to do with my post, either.


    March 3, 2009 at 3:29 AM

  7. Oh my F. I love you.

    Sara Rose

    March 4, 2009 at 4:18 AM

  8. I am sad to only NOW realize, that you have probably refrained from posting some of your conversations with me. Hahahahahaha….

    So not funny.

    Sara Rose

    March 4, 2009 at 4:21 AM

  9. We always have good conversations, although there was one *here* that reminded me of you 🙂 It was Phoebe. Similar sitch, but I think you handle your shit much better. XO


    March 4, 2009 at 4:41 AM

  10. That was fricking hilarious!


    March 6, 2009 at 7:26 PM

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