Marika Malaea

faithful marauder + fake royal

Boot Scootin’ Boogie

with 7 comments

These words have come out of my mouth:

  • I will never embarrass my kid.
  • I will never find a good guy.
  • I will never eat my weight in chocolate.
  • I will never go line-dancing.

Now I know better.

“I will never embarrass my kid.” There’s nothing more embarrassing than having a grooming gorilla mom: one who flattens, tousles, hairsprays, curls, combs, and micromanages your hair in public.  But when I do it to Oren’s hair, it’s not ‘micromanaging’ — I’M JUST FIXING IT.  High on my list this year:  steering my son away from his Zach Ephron hair phase.  I do it for his own good – I do it for all of us!  One thing I’ve learned:  just being their parent is embarrassing enough.  As he grows up, mortifying him further will be a bonus parental perk.

“I will never find a good guy.” I’ve found plenty of men in my lifetime,  but eventually had to flush them down the toilet so they could reunite with their subhuman sewer species.  Luckily, I found a good one in the end – he belongs on elevated land and everything!

“I will never eat my weight in chocolate.” Eating your weight in chocolate is easier than you think.  Word to the wise:  it goes down smoother with a potato chip chaser – or constant, vigilant weeping.

“I will never go line-dancing.” Well ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha.  FOOLED YOU.

I rounded up the troops on Monday night for the line-dancing lesson at the Little Red Hen and it was actually fun!  Monica, Jason, KJ and I hit the floor with MaryAnn, our swishy-haired instructor, and about nine other people.    I had watched the lesson last week, and was fascinated by MaryAnn’s gliding abilities, while also being mesmerized by her hair:  it was super straight and long, with a hair-sprayed wall of friendly bangs.  When she twirled, her hair twirled; it had personality. It probably had a nervous system, too.  She and her magic hair were very good teachers.

I was pleasantly surprised by my friends.  KJ was line-dancing in her basic modus operandi, i.e.; three-inch heels, but that’s comfortable for her/people like her/thin people/beauty queens/Not Me.  Monica was enthusiastic and sprightly as ever, and Jason blew me away; I think he could have led the class, he was so technically ON. I was less of an iceberg than I’d predicted, and more a sweaty, confused Polynesian – go back into my ancestral history, and you will find that ‘cannibalism’ appears before ‘line-dancing.’  Samoans are hula people, anyway –  apparently the kind that will eat you.

It’s refreshing to be in a place where men get up and dance.  Granted, it’s glorified Dixie Chick aerobics, but it takes some skill.  I’ve participated in a lot of choreographed dances in my life, which is bizarre:  as Aunt Eller in Oklahoma!, ballet class from ages 5-10, the Paula Abdul ‘Straight Up’ routine at Anna-Sara Hall’s birthday party, hip-hop aerobics (OH IT BURNS), square-dancing (I’m good!),  Saturday nights at the Excellence Foundation (long story, but it involves choreographed dance, believe me), and a litany of popular old school moves:  The Electric Slide, The Macarena, Two Legit (!), Ice Ice Baby, and my personal favorite, Thriller.

I’m glad I went – new experiences always give me a boost when I’m in a funk.  Thanks to everyone who came out for line-dancing (except Brock, who chickened out – and by that I mean he was too busy eating chicken fried rice to join us), and to those who came later for karaoke.  Only the Griz got up to sing (“It’s the End of the World As We Know It”), and he totally killed it; I never realized how fast that song was, or how repetitive.  It was like having a an upbeat, pleasant-sounding brain aneurysm.  Next time, I’m going to fake people out:  choose a Celine Dion song, but sing ‘Never Gonna Give You Up’ by Rick Astley instead.  Rick-Rolling people in person is the only way to go.

Advertisements

Written by sn0tteh

February 18, 2009 at 7:02 PM

Posted in Uncategorized

Tagged with , , , , ,

7 Responses

Subscribe to comments with RSS.

  1. I just realized that your posts don’t show up in my blogger dashboards, that why I thought you had stopped posting.
    but anyways, i will so ambarrass my kids in public, even when they are older.

    franco

    February 18, 2009 at 7:15 PM

  2. This was so super fun. And I really liked the spirit of the place. Makes me want to go back. Especially for the karaoke! Hope that part was fun. Sorry I missed!

    Monica Guzman

    February 19, 2009 at 6:19 PM

  3. Me, too! Karaoke is next, for sure. I also liked how friendly everybody was – like a big family. Thanks for coming!

    sn0tteh

    February 19, 2009 at 7:06 PM

  4. Line dancing? Really? I hope there are photos somewhere…

    Manthony

    February 20, 2009 at 8:42 PM

  5. There are no photos, none. ZILCH.

    sn0tteh

    February 20, 2009 at 9:18 PM

  6. Okay then, how about some photos of Oren with Zac Efron hair? That sounds equally as priceless!

    Manthony

    February 23, 2009 at 4:54 PM

  7. NO! I REFUSE! FUCK THAT PANSY ASS BEATLE-HAIRED MANNEQUIN!

    sn0tteh

    February 23, 2009 at 5:33 PM


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: