Marika Malaea

faithful marauder + fake royal

Suck On This

with 17 comments

Burn in Hell, shrimp!

Burn in Hell, shrimp!

This was an email I received today entitled ‘Pray On This’; my responses are in green.

Dear Marika,

I recently found your blog thanks to a link someone provided during that whole divorce blogpost debacle (you might say “cluster****”).  I don’t enjoy emails from people who are too “good” to curse, so this one is unsuccessful, right off the bat. I was not surprised to see how manyh people disagreed with you. Debate is healthy, so long as all participants play fair, which was not the case in that post.  And most of the actions *since* then from the Opposing Teams have been completely deplorable (I don’t use that word lightly), at best. I see the post is gone, so I guess you’ve learned your lesson, ha ha ha.  People who laugh with derision–and without mirth–usually ride into town on a high moral horse, a horse I believe should be taken to the glue factory, along with its’ owner. So no, I didn’t take it down – the post was lost in the exporting of my old blog, although I stand by every lost word.

I am a Christian, but not the type you make fun of.  So says you. I went through most of your blogposts, and so I’m not crazy devout, I’m not Mormon, and I don’t convert people.  SO SAYS YOU. I just believe that something more powerful than myself exists in the Universe.  Something more powerful *does* exist in the Universe, and if you’re under 200 pounds, that ‘something’ is me. In fact, I question the teachings and my church sometimes – maybe not out loud, but I’ve definitely thought, ‘is this really the way?’  Good. But I love the people in my church, and the comfort it gives me.  Good. I know it’s just God’s way of testing my faith sometimes, because we’re all imperfect. Oh, for fuck’s sake. Now I know where this is going.

“Faith without works is dead” is one of my favorite lines from The Bible mine, too, believe it or not— to me it means getting out there with my church and helping my community, contributing to bake sales, raising money for the homeless shelter — so belonging to a church and believing in God can’t be ALL bad?  Didn’t say it was bad, just ill-advised, without evidence, and filled with shortcomings.  You make it seem like anyone who’s ever touched a church is a jerkoff (I have a stronger word for this that you would appreciate, but unbecoming profanity is not my style).  Loving the judgmental tone. I’m not a jerk, and i know the people in my church aren’t, either. There has to be at least one awkward douchebag; there’s one in every church who you stick up for, but won’t ever leave your children in the care of.

Have you ever known God or done His good work?  Yep. We were acquainted, and decided to ‘agree to disagree’ – so now I just know myself and do good work for others, without the obligation. Have you ever wondered what will happen when you die and , even though you probably don’t believe in Heaven, what will happen if we were right?  Yes, I do – but I think the ‘Who really knows?’ approach will serve me better than ‘If I don’t, I’ll burn in Hell because I’m bad!’ line of thinking. For me, that’s a hideous way to live, constantly wondering if you’re living The Right Way and if you’ll be rewarded later on by something you can’t even see, taste, smell, or touch.

I question things like everybody else, but I’d like to be on the right side of God when it’s my time to go.  I was with you up until this point. People like you give off the worst vibe – you’re a non-believing True Believer.  The Esq responds: you shouldn’t hedge your bets on faith; that’s not what it’s about. Faith shouldn’t be a calculation of what will be the most advantageous to you in your possible afterlife. You think God can hear your prayers from Heaven and make miracles happen, but He can’t tell if you’re lying or just covering your ass? If you think God is as easily duped as your own mother, why are you worshiping Him in the first place? I just didn’t know if you’d ever thought of that —I think it’s important to think about the future. And I think it’s important to live in the moment, because if you’re always planning for the future, you miss out on the trip getting there.

You should judge religious people the least, in my opinion.  I thought the whole point of Christianity was to be judged in the end for the lives you had led – and you’re certainly judging ME for being a non-believer. I guess God gave us free will so that when we chose otherwise, He would know who to punish – it’s usually the same people, people I like to call Not Christians. We’re just doing what comes naturally, at least I am.  A belief system is not natural. It is taught or passed down, but you’re not BORN with it – you’re born *into* it, it’s foisted *upon* you, or you *choose* it later on in life. That’s like saying you slid right out of the womb carrying a fucking PETA sign.

Maybe we really are a part of God’s great design for humanity —that’s what I choose to think. Exactly. Key words: ‘Choose’ and ‘think.’ Does it make sense to you that a great person–someone who works hard, raises wonderful children, donates their time/money/energy to their community, has a wonderful, selfless heart–can go to Hell? There are plenty of people out there, living by example, but they aren’t doing it IN GOD’S NAME ONLY… it doesn’t make sense, from a traditionally-Christian point of view, that those good people will stand before God someday and He’ll go, “Sorry, you were pure of heart, but the bake sales YOU contributed to only went to your son’s school, and not to a church that worships me, so PEACE OUT.”  And yet Mr. Serial Killing Pedophile guy over here will get into Heaven, because he saw the light right before kicking the bucket in jail.  Right – there’s a system I’m going to subscribe to.

If you’ve never prayed before, try it tonight.  I think I will – I’m going to pray that I stop receiving letters from people like you. Then I’m going to pray that you open your eyes to reality, and if that’s too much, to have a good life regardless. But I’m not going to pray to God – I’m going to pray to Megatron. God loves and forgives everyone who seeks Him. Your God sounds like a petty, attention-whoring, 12-year old ME. I’ll pray for you, too!  Sigh.


A friend

Friends leave their names. Don’t worry, I’m going to leave your email address, in case people would like to respond to you – maybe that will encourage you to leave your name next time, or not come back at all.

Like I said in the first post of this new website: these are getting published from now on.   I hope we can do this again soon, you well-meaning, condescending bitch.


Written by sn0tteh

February 17, 2009 at 10:50 PM

Posted in Uncategorized

Tagged with , , ,

17 Responses

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  1. WWMD… What would Megatron do? Hee hee!

    matthew thompson

    February 18, 2009 at 12:01 AM

  2. Oh my god. There is absolutely nothing worse than a proselytizing, passive-aggressive Christian.

    Except maybe liver and onions. No…..wait, I think the former wins.


    February 18, 2009 at 12:01 AM

  3. I got bored with the email half-way through. Puh-leeease. *rolling my eyes* Oh, and guess what, I *AM* Mormon. Go ahead… say something I haven’t already heard before from my “non-judgemental Chritian ‘brethren.'”

    I can’t believe he actually asked you if you’ve “known God,” (tattoo Born Again on his forehead) and I was particularly miffed by his rediculous opinion that “You should judge religious people the least.” What a re-todd. Any real Christian knows that those with the “higher knowledge” (that being of the gospel) will be held to higher standards… and will be held accountable for his actions in regards to that knowledge. Oh, but I best not say anything more for fear of starting an all-out holy war where I’d be ridiculed, persecuted, and called “unChristian.” Oh wait… that’s ALREADY HAPPENED.

    *sigh* I feel for you, Snotty my friend. Have pity for this poor fool. He honestly has no CLUE what he’s talking about.

    p.s. Say hi to Megatron for me. 😉

  4. Um. I really like this new format of abusing the hopelessly stupid and meddling. Just FYI.
    I was thinking about some of this stuff last night, the whole “what-if” and it brought back memories of the reasons I abandoned organised religion. I have never been able to truly imagine how any human being could deserve being tortured for eternity. Like without any hope of reprieve. Ever. Sounds like a God of love and forgiveness, there. Last night I was thinking about the Magdalénian people who lived thousands of years before the pyramids, about the depth and spirituality of their culture, and all the others since, and the horror of Christian belief consigning all these “souls” to Hell.
    I wonder how these people can live with themselves…


    February 18, 2009 at 12:54 AM

  5. They’re just stories to me (fucked-up fairy tales, more like), ones that have no relevance on my daily life – it does seem weird that people live in fear of being ‘tortured for eternity’. It’s like the worst version of ‘Santa wants you to be good!’ and then you’re good Monday-Thursday, but just barely.


    February 18, 2009 at 1:16 AM

  6. Megatron gives you his best – he and God are playing Guitar Hero right now. God is probably winning.

    I do have pity, but not much. This is how a lot of people think – not you Mormons who are going straight to Hades (LOL), but many. Fair Weather Christians, I guess. I’m the same way with the Mariners, but the Mariners won’t tell me I’m going to burn in Hell. Maybe to spare my feelings.


    February 18, 2009 at 1:18 AM

  7. I would rather eat liver and onions than associate myself with such thinkings. If that’s even a word. And you’re totally right – I actually respect the crazy religious people. Like, you’re waving your religious freak flag HIGH, and I get that – that’s your passion. But this passive aggressive “just in case” bullshit is tired. Stand up for your beliefs or find new ones – I felt like she (it’s a ‘she’) was almost trying to convince herself of her own beliefs, at times. Weird.


    February 18, 2009 at 1:21 AM

  8. I’m ready for that t-shirt logo!!!!


    February 18, 2009 at 1:21 AM

  9. Eek. What a post, there is so much I want to say. First – I love that photo! It reminds me of the time I was working at the VA hospital and one of the nursing assistants who works there told my friend that God was mad at her. She was like, What?! And the lady told her that god says not to eat things that crawl on their bellies, and she was eating shrimp. Okay…..

    Next is that I am a total wimp. I do not believe in god. I mean, obviously there are things more powerful than me, Hummers for example (the CAR you sickos). But something about this man who watches everything I am doing so I should be careful – puh lease. I did however take my kids to church until about 3 years ago, and they happen to go to a daycare that is christian based. (very nice christians btw – a very good experience.) Once a week they have to go to chapel. So my kids believe in Jesus, or the idea of it at least. They kind of know that I don’t.

    I am getting off subject here – about me being a wimp. So we are sitting at dinner tonight and Balthezar wants to say a prayer for his grandmother who died the other day. We pray mormon style, since I that is the only way I know how to (and I live with my mom) And so I am saying a prayer and asking god to bless my stepmother. I totally stopped mid prayer and was like – what the hell am I supposed to say?(in my head, mind you) And I say something lame like, bless grandma’s spirit that she will be happy. When I am really thinking – well, bless the worms that are eating her body and getting sustanance to make good soil for new plants to grow……


    February 18, 2009 at 4:19 AM

  10. I like that kind of realistic prayer. 🙂 But also, if your stepmother did have a spirit–can’t prove that she *doesn’t*–I know you would want her spirit to be happy! I think the best way, if you want your children to question the things around them without subscribing blindly to them, is to question things yourself. I mean, their entire world will be about questioning YOU the older they get 🙂 so make it a part of your everyday life, if you want to.


    February 18, 2009 at 4:16 PM

  11. I was thinking last night about why I am not more open with them and I realized I was thinking about Jesus the same way I think about Santa Claus – kind of like I don’t want to ruin it for them. (interesting that Santa is exactly the same as god, just a while you are living version)

    If their grandma has a spirit I do want it to be happy – which is why I tried to say that instead of “Bless grandma and let her be happy now that she is with her heavenly father” etc.

    I do talk with them about how lots of people dont believe in Jesus. It is good to think about all this because I don’t want them to be blind followers.


    February 18, 2009 at 4:52 PM

  12. “I thought the whole point of Christianity was to be judged in the end for the lives you had led”

    The central teaching of Christianity is that, through Christ’s death and resurrection, God reconciles us to Himself out of love. Strangely, your Christian correspondent seems not to believe this. Her version of Christianity sounds like a way to escape a God who hates us and is looking for reasons to hurt us. She’s welcome to it if that’s what she wants, but I wish she’d consider a spiritual path that’s less bleak and scary, and less fixated on frightening other people into joining.

    Wade Rockett

    February 18, 2009 at 6:58 PM

  13. I get a lot of people like this – I think they mean well (and if not, whatever), but their point is either muddled or doesn’t sound like true Christianity. Hey, people can believe what they want – I just wish they wouldn’t try to get me on board. I’m very upfront about being an atheist, or at least believing that I don’t know the answer. I guess that provokes them enough.


    February 18, 2009 at 7:06 PM

  14. Also, thanks for the clarification 🙂


    February 18, 2009 at 7:06 PM

  15. I like diversity in my thinking, and I know you do, too – I think it’s great they have a good (semi-religious) foundation from which to ask you questions. My parents taught me about a lot of different religions, and what people believe in – it was really fascinating. I was glad they did that, because I grew up curious about people’s beliefs, instead of fearful.


    February 18, 2009 at 7:08 PM

  16. Love this post!


    February 20, 2009 at 8:40 PM

  17. Thanks! It’s always good to have fan mail – LOL


    February 20, 2009 at 9:18 PM

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