Marika Malaea

faithful marauder + fake royal

Is This Heaven?

with 14 comments

Have you died and gone to Heaven? In a nutshell: YES. My name is God, and I’m super excited to be your tour guide today! Please spit out your chewing gum in the proper waste receptacle, straighten those robes, and hand in your iPhones. Apple products aren’t allowed in Heaven, everybody knows that.

This tour has officially begun. That’s Jesus over there – wave to Jesus! That guy makes the best BLT in the universe. He’s taking a break right now from saving humanity, but Chuck Norris is standing in for him. Chuck Norris really can do anything!

Meet Kathy Lee Gifford – Heaven’s silent, indispensable nanny. And here’s the nursery with all of our heavenly children – as you can see, they really enjoy working at those sewing machines. It’s good for hand-eye coordination. (Someone has to make the robes.)

This here is the new (semi-permanent) blog of Snotty McSnotterson. The About and Snotty tabs at the top of the page indicate some type of information skullduggery; reading them should be at the top of your To Do list. The sidebar has not yet stunned or amazed, but these things take time. If you are meandering about the site and notice any layout issues, that’s because the old Snotty blog was imported and now needs editing. It took 2.5 hours to edit one page of posts, so the rest will be done over the next five-to-never years.

This site is about content. Unnecessary comments will be deleted; Anonymous comments will be moderated, but leaving your name is preferred. Rude, inappropriate, or purposefully devastating emails will be publicly picked apart by God and then posted with your contact information on this website; your email address will be entered into every spambot list available; and any comments you make in the future will be mocked and then deleted. This time, I’m not fucking around.

There’s much to be done here in Heaven, but in the end, it’s worth it. It’s better than living in Hell with Sarah Palin and Karl Rove. If you have feedback about this site, and you’re like, ‘Snotty should really [blank], or it would be really cool if she added [blank]!’ I appreciate the gesture, but would appreciate it *more* if you just used those great ideas on YOUR BLOG.

Thanks for stopping by!


Written by sn0tteh

February 4, 2009 at 7:24 PM

Posted in Uncategorized

Tagged with , , ,

14 Responses

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  1. Looks awesome! Might make a post at blogspot reminding people to update their bookmarks, if they weren’t already set to Looking forward to seeing the blog evolve even further!


    Snotty McSnotterson

    February 4, 2009 at 8:37 PM

  2. Sounds like a good policy on the “purposefully devastating emails.”

    Silence = death! Or something along those lines.


    February 4, 2009 at 8:57 PM

  3. PS: Nice new digs!


    February 4, 2009 at 9:00 PM

  4. *squee* I love the Esq.

    Thanks, Manthony!


    February 4, 2009 at 9:57 PM

  5. Looks nice. WordPress owns.


    February 4, 2009 at 9:59 PM

  6. Thanks, yo. I’m digging the open source when I’m not totally hating it.


    February 4, 2009 at 10:11 PM

  7. What a sweet new blog. I love how it hangs off WordPress which we know runs rings round Blogger. It freaks me out that Matt Mullenweg is a master of the universe at the sweet age of twentyfive.


    February 4, 2009 at 11:33 PM

  8. Dear snooty:
    I used to be a reader of yours but to be honest I left your blog becasue you almost never commented mine, I thought you were a bit boring [no offense, mine is/was too] so i kinda unconciously forgot you, but somehow I ended up here again with this new blog of yours, and you know what? I like it, has your writing changed? cuz you are funnier, you basically sold me when I read what what was behind the “about” & “snooty” buttons above, I will come back when I can.
    see ya latuh


    February 5, 2009 at 5:14 AM

  9. Nice! I love your banner.
    I was thinking of switching also, but having to edit imported posts sounds nightmarish.

    barb jensen

    February 5, 2009 at 6:16 AM

  10. You’re freakin’ hilarious! I love the tour of Heaven and am thankful I made it here. πŸ˜‰ It’s a sweet setup and I love the visuals. And I can’t wait to see who gets picked apart and laughed at first! I’m going to update my bookmark now.

    Yay for Snotty coming back with a Vengeance!

  11. She’s just beautiful, Snotty. I wish you both all the best!


    February 5, 2009 at 2:47 PM

  12. Tri: I agree wholeheartedly about Matt Mullenweg!

    Franco: Thanks for coming back – it’s always a work in progress. I like your blog, but it’s almost *too* stylish for me. πŸ™‚ I’ll come by more often to see what you’re up to – thanks for the feedback!

    Barb: It’s not because WordPress is hard to use that it took so long – it was my skillz (or rather, my lack of skills) that made the process so hard. You can import and just leave stuff as is, but I was trying to re-format my posts, which is more difficult. (It’s not HTML, it’s XHTML.)

    Carrie: You’re probably one of my only friends going to the *real* Heaven, should it exist. I’ll need you to describe what it really looks like, should you perish before me.

    Jenny: <3!


    February 5, 2009 at 4:00 PM

  13. Filthy McNasty!!!
    In honor of ‘whats old is new’ I link to the free Ziggy Stardust Remixes.

    Off topic my dance-shakin’ ass.

    Joe Ball

    February 5, 2009 at 10:24 PM

  14. I’m so glad you came by the blog! JOE BAAAAAAAAAALL.


    February 6, 2009 at 4:51 PM

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