Marika Malaea

faithful marauder + fake royal

“World Peace.”

with 11 comments

Miss America 2009 was on a couple of nights ago; we stopped to watch a couple of the girls do their ‘thing’, whatever that entailed. None of them impressed me (I say that like any of them ever have), and during the Evening Gown competition – also known as THE GLITTERY TRAIN TO NOWHERE – one fun-lovin’ contestant said something like:

Blah blah blah beauty – skin deep – blah blah what’s in your heart that matters – blah blah chance of a lifetime – blahdy blah blah “because beauty and happiness should come from the inside and just OOZE out of you!”


Snotty: Oh my GOD.
Esq: Yes, Miss America should be more OOZING.
Snotty: (laughing)
Esq: That’s the best word you could come up with? How about ‘ejaculate’? How about you VOMIT happiness all over America?
Snotty: *dies*

So that’s what beauty pageants are all about: vomiting beauty and ejaculating happiness. I always wondered. Now it all makes sense.

Last year’s Miss America was from Farmington Hills, Michigan, and her platform issue was, ironically, vomiting. Or rather, raising awareness of eating disorders. She was also a teenager, had nothing listed under “Talent” on the official Miss America website, and apparently ‘can’t live without Vitamin B!!!’ This year’s winner was Katie Stam, who inspired nothing in me except the strong desire to punch a midwestern beauty queen. God Bless America.


Written by sn0tteh

January 25, 2009 at 7:30 PM

Posted in Uncategorized

11 Responses

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  1. Heard that. Your thoughts on Miss Hawaii being left in the dust after her Tahitian booty dance? Was it too hot? I liked her, and was surprised that others with less uh, talent, got to move on…

    Jenny B

    January 26, 2009 at 8:24 PM

  2. I never saw Miss Hawaii, but now I have to YouTube it – that sounds awesome. 🙂

    And Jenny… YOU were watching Miss America???

    Snotty McSnotterson

    January 27, 2009 at 5:41 PM

  3. Girl I totally watched this and it was so boring. All of the girls were just… YAWN.


    January 27, 2009 at 5:41 PM

  4. Agreed. The evening gown competition was brutal–I’ve never seen anything tackier in my life.

    Snotty McSnotterson

    January 27, 2009 at 5:42 PM

  5. WHA? Why wouldn’t I be watching Miss America? I have all kinds of…hobbies.

    Jenny B

    January 28, 2009 at 3:26 AM

  6. Me…too.

    Snotty McSnotterson

    January 28, 2009 at 3:30 PM

  7. i was all about miss hawaii. that girl could shakeshake SHAKE it.

    January 28, 2009 at 3:31 PM

  8. Well NOW I have to go YouTube it, because two of you have mentioned her.

    Snotty McSnotterson

    January 28, 2009 at 3:31 PM

  9. I have no (polite) words to express my disgust at this annual horror-show. If I am misfortunate enough to happen across the program while it’s on, I am suffused with the urge to plaster Mr Yuk stickers over evry milimeter of the screen.

    *throws up a little in mouth*


    January 29, 2009 at 1:08 AM

  10. I just had to go YouTube “Miss Hawaii.” Um… wow.

    But my favorite part was one of the recent user comments that said, “Ah the hypnotic dance of the frayed tampon.”


    January 29, 2009 at 3:17 AM

  11. Matt, I can’t see you ever liking Miss America. Unless she was dancing on your face or something.

    Snotty McSnotterson

    January 29, 2009 at 5:25 PM

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