Marika Malaea

faithful marauder + fake royal

Eight Years & All I Got Was This Lousy T-Shirt/War/Recession/Secret Muslim in Office

with 17 comments


Inauguration Day was inspiring, yet underwhelming. I’m sure the people in Washington D.C. were pooping their pants with political joy, but television and online coverage was boring, not to mention faulty. Not once did CNN’s ‘live feed’ actually work, so I missed most of the speech, but I’m sure my neighbors were equally entertained by my gratuitous use of the word ‘fuck’ and the inevitable sobfest that followed.

I’m glad I missed the speech: it was easier for me to read first, then watch. I have enjoyed Jon Favreau’s speechwriting immensely, however resentful I am of his young age and high stature. So many people said they didn’t like the speech yesterday, claiming it didn’t WOW them enough, it was too simple, too boring, too broad. After reading it, I felt it was appropriate; I also thought it was very well-written. Listening to it–well, it was a little slow and measured, but a solid delivery, nonetheless. One challenging part about speechwriting is that you write these speeches for the government and for the people, but a sixth-grader has to understand it. It’s not like a large number of sixth graders are clamoring for more political knowledge, but speechwriters have to aim low (sorry, sixth graders) for a collective national understanding.

My ten-year old would have understood some of it, had he been remotely interested; on Election Day, when I asked him what he thought of Obama being the President-Elect, he rolled his eyes as hard as possible and said in a very put-upon voice, “HE’S BLACK. HE’S THE PRESIDENT. I GET IT.” Eyeroll, eyeroll. What a bizarre luxury it must be to not even blink at Barack Obama’s skin color; I envy his color-blindness. My son remembers Bush through weird snippets he’s seen on TV or in real life: I remember a time, when he was three or four, that he marched around the room, chanting “No blood for oil! No blood for oil!” because an Iraq War protest went right past his daycare. He also said, this past year, “President Bush is kind of dumb–he can’t even say the word NUCLEAR right.” With Herculean effort, I kept a straight face and did not do any happy jigs or shoot fireworks into the sky. I just shrugged and said, “Well, YOU know how to say it, and that’s all that matters.” The wunderkind.

KJ and I walked into Lucid after a ride-along with Whoreleen, and my friend Melanie was sitting with a perfectly nice, very inebriated fellow. This is the conversation that followed:

Guy: (pointing) I love her!
Mel: (points at me) You love who–her?
Guy: NO! HER. (points to KJ)
Snotty: Thanks.
Guy: I love you!
KJ: Hey, it’s a day for Change–Change is coming!
Guy: So… can I holla at you?
KJ: (politely sidesteps the question)
Snotty: Ironically, it’s not a day for Hope.

At least not for him. We, however, were dipped in Hope and rolled in Change. Journalists, friends, bloggers, and politicians keep asking the question, ‘When will the honeymoon end?’ For me, the honeymoon began when the Bush regime ended, leaving us with little more than his thumb in our asses. And so I say to George W. Bush, with all the unearned respect I can possibly muster up: take your thumb back immediately, please. There’s a new thumb in town.

In other politically-relevant news, remember that whole ‘cutting my own hair is a good idea’ debacle? WELL KNEEL BEFORE ZUUL, FOR I AM HEALED. My friend, Michelle, was nice enough to fix my clusterfuck of bangs at her new space in West Seattle, Salon Julian. My new slogan for her is, of course: YES SHE CAN. I will post all the dirty deets once I’m home and can upload our hair photos–I have for-real bangs now, whether I like it or not. (I like.) Barack Obama deserves a country filled with hard-working people, and also people with good hair. I aim to be one of those people, minus the hard work.

What’s going to matter is not the past, but the future when it comes to campaigns and if the Democrat Party feels like they can win an election by focusing on me, I think they’ll be making a huge tactical mistake.

George W. Bush; White House, Feb. 10, 2008



Written by sn0tteh

January 22, 2009 at 3:55 PM

Posted in Uncategorized

Tagged with , ,

17 Responses

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  1. Can’t wait to see the hair photos!


    January 23, 2009 at 3:14 AM

  2. Ah, yes. The hair photos. I will try and remember to put them up later, after I get home.

    Snotty McSnotterson

    January 23, 2009 at 3:14 AM

  3. Hey lady, this is an awesome post. I LMAO at your conversation!

    Go Obama Go!

    Ericka B

    January 23, 2009 at 3:15 AM

  4. I was lucky to find willing partners who were funnier than me to participate in said conversation.

    Snotty McSnotterson

    January 23, 2009 at 3:16 AM

  5. Who is KJ??


    January 23, 2009 at 3:17 AM

  6. The Esq’s sister. Who are YOU?

    Snotty McSnotterson

    January 23, 2009 at 3:17 AM

  7. The Esq’s sister. Who are YOU?

    Snotty McSnotterson

    January 23, 2009 at 3:17 AM

  8. Oh look, a smart guy. Okay, Anonymous, you can have your cake and eat it, too (only because that’s the entire *point* of cake).

    Snotty McSnotterson

    January 23, 2009 at 3:18 AM

  9. Where’s that “Matt” guy? I miss his hilarious and pointed comments…


    January 23, 2009 at 4:18 AM

  10. Oh dear God.

    Snotty McSnotterson

    January 23, 2009 at 5:29 AM

  11. For whatever it’s worth, I’m fond of when you bring your son’s perspective into your blog. It’s ameliorating- it’s easy to let our adult agendas thrust so far forward, momentum included- to be taken aback by such simple statements- that perspective is important. But fuck, i’m a teacher, of course i think that.


    January 23, 2009 at 6:24 AM

  12. Bananasana: duly noted.

    I would write about him more, but we see each other so rarely. We are hoping to make 2009 different in that respect–in fact, we’re spending the weekend with him to help finish his science fair project. I’m sure a blog will follow. 🙂

    Snotty McSnotterson

    January 23, 2009 at 8:23 PM

  13. I have nothing to say, since I’ve been sick, but I wanted to say howdy since I haven’t posted anything in a while. 🙂


    January 23, 2009 at 10:05 PM

  14. Howdy! I am perusing recipes for your birthday present as I type. (I’m a multi-tasker.) I hope Jason likes sweets!

    Snotty McSnotterson

    January 23, 2009 at 10:56 PM

  15. Awwww how sweet!! Edible gifts are SO the best 🙂 And yes, Jason digs sweets. 🙂

    I can’t believe my party is only 2 weeks away, yay! I’m actually kind of glad I’m sick now, because I usually get sick every year on my birthday, so it’s nice to get it over with this year….


    January 23, 2009 at 11:13 PM

  16. Wow!
    Anonymous sounds really astute…


    January 24, 2009 at 4:40 AM

  17. Wow, Matt. Sounds like you two know each other.

    Snotty McSnotterson

    January 24, 2009 at 4:11 PM

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