Marika Malaea

faithful marauder + fake royal

Closets & Promises

with 14 comments


Photo: This is the shoe section of Mariah Carey’s gratuitous closet; I can only imagine how many rooms she has for her teeny-tiny whoreshorts and her itsy-bitsy hookertops. This is not the closet of my dreams, but at least it’s organized (BY HER STAFF).

The word ‘negro’ was hurled at me in one of the comments I deleted; my neighbor and I laughed about that for a long time. Well, he was horrified at first, but then–in a moment of clarity–he said, “I guess you can’t write about skull-fucking and how God is dead and expect a key to the city.” I had to agree. That was probably one of the most insightful things he’s ever said, but even so: negro?! RUDE. If you’re going to be racist, at least be accurate about where I’m from. Samoan people are generally known for giving birth, playing football, and converting to Mormonism, so you can start with those juicy details and insult me with puissance from now on–instead of sounding like an uneducated honky with no working teeth.

Remember when I tried organizing my home, only to decide that arson might be more effective? Well, it’s time to organize FOR REALS now. My parents are systematically doing their home, and the Esq’s parents are cleaning out their garage after a hundred years, which is truly inspiring; getting rid of unnecessary *stuff* is so RELIEVING (see also: hard work and boring). I would just like to know where my socks are, or where my life is hiding. Allison, of www.simplifyorganization.com, is my professional motivator in this endeavor. She came over and had a pow-wow with my closets, getting me all pumped up to seize the moment and simplify my life–and then she left, leaving me to open a bag of Doritos and fall down a time warp on Facebook. Now I’m hitting it hard today, since it’s a beautiful day out, and my apartment is too nice to look like utter shite.

But first, a mid-morning nap.

Advertisements

Written by sn0tteh

January 18, 2009 at 4:30 PM

Posted in Uncategorized

14 Responses

Subscribe to comments with RSS.

  1. How’d the cleaning go after that nap? *snicker* Good luck, girl!

    Tobias!

    January 18, 2009 at 10:44 PM

  2. Oh, I’m actually getting things done–but only because the Esq was changing our router, so no internet. 🙂

    Snotty McSnotterson

    January 18, 2009 at 10:45 PM

  3. Cool site, thanks for the link. IT’s always good to know a professional organizer!!

    will.eye.am

    January 18, 2009 at 10:46 PM

  4. I’m a lucky girl–and have the coolest friends. 🙂

    Snotty McSnotterson

    January 18, 2009 at 10:47 PM

  5. I know this is not relevant to this post, but I think you would like this cooking blog too:
    http://thursdaynightsmackdown.com/
    She swears a lot and loves bacon. Need I say more?

    barbjensen

    January 19, 2009 at 6:37 AM

  6. I know this is not relevant to this post, but I think you would like this cooking blog too:
    http://thursdaynightsmackdown.com/
    She swears a lot and loves bacon. Need I say more?

    barbjensen

    January 19, 2009 at 6:37 AM

  7. You really don’t need to say anything more–I’m headed that way right now. Thanks!

    Snotty McSnotterson

    January 19, 2009 at 5:00 PM

  8. -LOL- Hope the organizing went well!

    -Stacy

    Anonymous

    January 19, 2009 at 5:01 PM

  9. It’s actually looking really, really, really, really, really, really good. I’m not kidding. It’s epic in here.

    Snotty McSnotterson

    January 19, 2009 at 5:01 PM

  10. Mariah, barf!

    Marko

    January 19, 2009 at 6:43 PM

  11. Oh Marko, I’m so glad you said that. I am not a fan, either.

    Snotty McSnotterson

    January 19, 2009 at 6:54 PM

  12. Oh Marko, I’m so glad you said that. I am not a fan, either.

    Snotty McSnotterson

    January 19, 2009 at 6:54 PM

  13. She is awful, she can sing but she just stands there or dives into a pool once and a while, lol!

    Marko

    January 23, 2009 at 9:04 PM

  14. LMAO it’s so true. And those awful cut-offs, WHAT? She doesn’t get that she’s like 67 in entertainment years.

    Snotty McSnotterson

    January 23, 2009 at 11:05 PM


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: