Marika Malaea

faithful marauder + fake royal

‘Corn Horn Central

with 12 comments

Whoreleen, Mrs. Clean, and I went to a unicorn-themed party this weekend, and this was the best photo from it. The man levitating above us is the infamous Joe Ball, who works in my ‘hood at the new healthy food extravaganza, Thrive. It’s one of those fresh, organic, plant-based, raw food-supportin’ places, and the smoothies look killer. Check them out if you want to feel goooood. Joe Ball is one of those militant vegans that I normally can’t stand, but his food has always been insanely delicious, and he has a sense of humor. I can say, with total confidence, that the Esq and I are meat-loving meatlovers who would rather die from a veal-related heart attack than eat vegan “food”–but every time we’ve had Joe Ball’s delectable cooking, WE INHALE IT. I barely have time to chew, his food is so good. I think he’s the head cook, or at least one of the cooks, over at Thrive. Memorize that face, and the way he defies gravity; you’ll recognize him if he’s there.

It was very strange being at a party with mainly vegans or veggies, most of whom were dressed like unicorns, and wearing an I HEART BACON pin. I took it off at the beginning of the night, because I didn’t want to offend anybody; then I went upstairs, looked around at the sea of people who surely graduated from Evergreen, and remembered who I was. I went downstairs and put the pin back on, because it’s not a political statement: it’s a personal preference. If you really want to come up to me and get snarky about a PIN, then I will take that aforementioned pin and shove it into your forehead. One gal walked past me, looked at my pin and said, “REALLY?” in this ‘OH FOR HEAVENS’ SAKE NOT ONE OF THESE PEOPLE’ tone of voice; all I said was, REALLY! in a tone of voice that said ‘I REALLY *DO* LOVE BACON, YOU UPPITY WICCAN BITCH.’ At least I look like I’ve eaten in the past year, and also seen sunlight; couldn’t say the same for her. In this photo, Dimitri is wearing a unicorn horn, Joe Ball is levitating, Allison is giving the Death Stare, and I am throwing a Shocker that’s dangerously close to Joe Ball’s actual shocking areas, were he a girl. Fun was had by all.


Written by sn0tteh

December 29, 2008 at 11:08 PM

Posted in Uncategorized

12 Responses

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  1. Hey there. You had me at Unicorn Themed Party with Vegans while wearing an I heart Bacon pin. Outstanding!!!! hah. Too funny!!!!!

    I heart Bacon too 🙂

    Happy New Year!!!!!


    December 30, 2008 at 3:36 PM

  2. Happy New Year to you, too! I’m glad I’m meeting so many bacon fans lately. 🙂

    Snotty McSnotterson

    December 30, 2008 at 7:39 PM

  3. )) ))
    (( ((
    )) ))

    This is my bacon emoticon.


    December 30, 2008 at 7:57 PM


    Snotty McSnotterson

    December 30, 2008 at 7:59 PM



    December 30, 2008 at 9:07 PM

  6. I concur.

    Snotty McSnotterson

    December 30, 2008 at 9:08 PM

  7. Hey you! Decided to look you up, and here you are. 🙂 I’m in love with your writing–I expect you to be famous someday, lady!

    Check for me on FB!



    December 30, 2008 at 9:09 PM

  8. Hey Rand, I miss your face. Thanks for checking out the blog 🙂 xo

    Snotty McSnotterson

    December 30, 2008 at 9:10 PM

  9. I’m a bacon eater BITCHES… BACK UP!

    Sara Rose

    December 31, 2008 at 6:38 AM

  10. SNOTTY! btw unicorns are herbivorous. But the Vomitorium is the best endorsement the restaurant has gotten, by far. Come on by while I’m working and I’ll make you something brilliant out of young coconut, cashew, and cacao.
    I don’t have bacon cravings but I do like to pan-sear thin slices of tempeh and encrust them with Lawry’s Seasoned Salt. So good you’d swear it had MSG.


    December 31, 2008 at 7:52 AM

  11. Yay Joe! I will definitely come by. 2009 is all about health, or at least that’s what my mouth says out loud.

    Snotty McSnotterson

    December 31, 2008 at 3:09 PM

  12. Sara Rose, we will go down in history as bacon bitches. I’m convinced of it.

    Snotty McSnotterson

    December 31, 2008 at 3:11 PM

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