Marika Malaea

faithful marauder + fake royal

The Most Committed Time of Year

with 22 comments

I like proposal stories, but I don’t know why; my only defense is that I’m a girl, which is commonly known in the legal world as ‘a defense of insanity.’ I’ve had eight friends get engaged this year, three of them in the past two weeks–and the Esq has two guy friends that proposed to their chicas in the last month. While I’m over the whole WHY NOT US thing, it’s a bit… gratuitous… to have that many friends in the same stage of life. Translation: I will never be able to afford that many bridal shower gifts, bachelorette outings, or wedding presents–so they’d better stagger those weddings, preferably in two-year increments. I love a good proposal story, but I really hate weddings.

To my girlfriends getting hitched: I’m not talking about YOUR weddings. Of course not. I’m talking about weddings I’ve already attended. And to my girlfriends who are already married (who had me at their weddings), I’m not talking about YOUR weddings. Of course not. I’m just talking about ALL WEDDINGS. (I give my two best friends a pass on this for obvious reasons.)

For some reason, December is Proposal Month. The Esq and I were discussing it last night: a Christmas Day proposal, to us, is like the Jumbotron of holiday proposals. And we are not Jumbotron people. We could understand wanting to have family around, plus the holidays are special–why not add another happy event like an engagement?–but personally, I would totally freak out. 1) Nothing overshadows a proposal to an atheist like millions of people celebrating the birth of Christ on the same fucking day. 2) Nothing overshadows the inclusiveness of Christmas like the exclusivity of celebrating one couple’s happiness. Christmas isn’t Christmas when your family is waiting for you to call everyone, take tons of ‘engaged’ photos, re-tell the story to the neighbors, etc. 3) We have a lot less to celebrate in a recession; don’t double up that cheer on a holiday–spread it around!

I’m not saying Christmas is a bad time for a proposal, only that I know it wouldn’t work for me; I know plenty of people who’ve gotten engaged–and even married!–on Christmas, and they’re still happily ensconced in the marriage ‘hood. That’s really all that matters: staying together and having happy moments. You can’t be happy all the time, but I think if you have enough happy moments, they can be strung together to make a happy timeline of events–which eventually becomes your life together, and the lasting memories you’ve created.

I will say that an actual Jumbotron proposal is retarded *coughcough* certainly a different way to go. The Esq knows this, too; the Jumbotron is a dealbreaker, not like we attend many sporting events. So is the Christmas proposal, as is a public one–although I’m really not that big of a control freak!–we just happened to have this conversation last night. My only real request was this: if you’re going to do it, make sure it’s a surprise. The proposal stories I’ve heard from my friends usually start with, “He was acting really weird…”, or, “Oh, I totally knew, but didn’t let on…” I am rarely surprised by anything, so for once in my life, maybe I will be. Although convincing me that marriage isn’t always a hideous trainwreck was probably the most surprising thing of all; the Esq is persuasive.

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Written by sn0tteh

December 9, 2008 at 5:29 PM

Posted in Uncategorized

22 Responses

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  1. The whole process that i see women go through when they plan weddings is NOT appealing to me. They are stressed for months and months before “THEIR big day.” And that day holds the most amount of stress overall.

    Just go sign papers. Have a BYOB party later.

    WenigGluckliches

    December 9, 2008 at 7:14 PM

  2. who really wants to buy christmas gift and a anni gift? Its why I will only wed in the darkest harshest of months. whichever one that is.

    Ninja-Motorhome!

    December 9, 2008 at 7:18 PM

  3. My gawd, I could not imagine having such a personal event/experience being shared with my whole damn family at Christmas. Sure, the proposal isn’t technically private (unless you do swing that way) but the LAST thing I would have wanted was seeing my mother gush tears and run for the camera, my father go grab a bottle of something and my brother hide under the couch as the last single-ton…as I stood in front of the tree with my SO on one knee. How self-centered to have your proposal be on Christmas Day. Ugh! Excuse me while I go puke now.

    JenG

    December 9, 2008 at 7:20 PM

  4. I propose that the massively high amount of weddings these days will produce in 2009 what will in future be known as the Obama-boom. Like war-weary Americans responding to the Armistice in 1945 by creating a horde of future hippies, present-day Americans emerging from the Bush regime are likely to spawn some massively self-absorbed new generation with all this talk of hope and change.
    Because what will really help everybody is greater additions to the population…

    matt

    December 9, 2008 at 7:30 PM

  5. I suppose I’m one of those who got “engaged” recently. Sorry! But I’ve been so weird about it that I haven’t really given much thought to rubbing it in anyone’s face yet. I don’t think I’ve told anyone yet, not even my dad. Besides, Bryn is spreading the news in his own special ways.

    I’m totally going to have to remember to call you on Christmas and gush to piss you off! Then we’ll invite you over for dinner and make it up to you…

    Manthony

    December 9, 2008 at 7:36 PM

  6. Wen, forrizzle. In fact, I think we’ll just sign some papers and have a Skeeball night to celebrate. Mmm, skeeball.

    Snotty McSnotterson

    December 9, 2008 at 7:44 PM

  7. Ninja, this is exactly what the Esq said: why would you want to double up on gifts? You know those gifts are going to be either ONE good gift or two diluted gifts. I’m glad we’re focused on the best part of the marriage: the gift-giving.

    Snotty McSnotterson

    December 9, 2008 at 7:45 PM

  8. JenG, I totally agree. It was hard enough for me to get *married* in front of 20 people–TWENTY–much less get asked in front of anyone. Obviously it’s a personal preference (I like to think those Jumbotron girls do it so I don’t have to), but it’s just the Two Of You in the relationship–what’s with the 74,000 other disappointed Seahawks fans?

    Snotty McSnotterson

    December 9, 2008 at 7:47 PM

  9. I *hope* you’re wrong, Matt. But on the bright side, divorce numbers are down. Maybe we can pump that number back UP in the coming years.

    Snotty McSnotterson

    December 9, 2008 at 7:49 PM

  10. MANTHONY–I TOTALLY FORGOT TO INCLUDE YOU. *oops* So make that NINE people I know. Fuckers.

    I’ll still take that dinner, though.

    Snotty McSnotterson

    December 9, 2008 at 7:50 PM

  11. Well, as someone who had their proposal on Christmas, I would have to say that it was the opposite of “self-centered” as JenG posted. My now husband proposed to me on that day so that everyone could enjoy the moment together as a family, and also to ask my father’s permission beforehand (he is very old-country). So I suppose if he really wanted to be self-centered, he could’ve done it on a different day, away from the family without the traditional permission requested from my very traditional parents.

    I take offense to people who make blanket statements like that, so I had to say something. I’m sure you’re a very nice person JenG otherwise, but just remember you can’t pigeonhole every single marriage proposal that’s happened on Christmas Day as self-centered. And sorry you got sick, were you able to wipe the puke off your high horse?

    Joanna

    December 9, 2008 at 10:02 PM

  12. Awesome comment.

    See, Ross did it for all the reasons I could imagine–it just wouldn’t work for me. I get embarrassed when someone says my name in a public place, so getting proposed to in front of *anyone* would make me completely DIE. I’m not kidding; it would kill me. Good to know it works for some (as I said–so counting you, I’ve got 14 friends who have been proposed to on Christmas).

    Also, you’d have to know JenG’s family to understand why it would be mortifying to her. ‘Self-centered’ is a strong word for our families, but maybe not for hers.

    Joanna’s got spunk 😉

    Snotty McSnotterson

    December 9, 2008 at 10:32 PM

  13. Although I was just thinking about it… and I guess I wouldn’t care if it was announced publicly, just not *done* in public. I know ‘family’ isn’t exactly public, but I mean in front of other people. Because if we got engaged, and someone said, ‘hey do you want us to put a picture of your engagement on the front page of the New York Times, I’d say HELLZ YEAH.’ That isn’t going to happen. But I felt there was a distinction between wanting a private proposal, and KEEPING it private.

    Snotty McSnotterson

    December 9, 2008 at 10:35 PM

  14. I’m with you on the embarrassment front. And its okay if you didn’t include us in your count since we technically can’t get married anyway. At least, not here!

    As for Christmas proposals, I’m not opposed to them at all. I am, however, less inclined to be a fan of having the actual wedding on Christmas. Or any other holiday for that matter. But to each, their own.

    Manthony

    December 9, 2008 at 11:24 PM

  15. I’m not opposed to OTHER people getting engaged/hitched on Christmas, it’s just NOT FOR ME. I’ll be repeating that over and over again in the next few days. Jesus Christ, is it so hard to understand? (I’m not talking to you now, Manthony, I’m talking to the legions of annoyed emails I received). FUCKING A, PEOPLE. Get engaged when you want, just marry the right fucking person, FUCK.

    Ok, well the getting *married* on Christmas seems weird, only because you’re shooting yourself in the foot if you want guests or good gifts. At least in my family.

    Snotty McSnotterson

    December 10, 2008 at 2:25 AM

  16. Sounds like this might be a good topic for a “Marika Jessy Raphael” show?

    Manthony

    December 10, 2008 at 5:38 AM

  17. You and the Esq seem like you are more likely to do a “Hitler’s Birthday” proposal or the anniversary of the Challenger explosion proposal. Or World AIDS day proposal….I could go on but I digress.

    Buttercup

    December 10, 2008 at 7:34 AM

  18. Manthony, you did *not* just say that. My name and that hag’s name, together? You know better.

    Snotty McSnotterson

    December 10, 2008 at 3:45 PM

  19. Buttercup, there has to be a bacon anniversary. There MUST be.

    Snotty McSnotterson

    December 10, 2008 at 3:46 PM

  20. It was that or Oprah. And you’re not nearly that smug.

    Maybe you and the Esq. should develop a bacon list of anniversaries!!! You know, year one is bacon bits, year two is turkey bacon, year three is extra crispy, year four is BLTs, all the way up to your “Golden Bacon Anniversary!”

    Manthony

    December 10, 2008 at 8:09 PM

  21. Good idea. I’ll run that by him. He will just roll his eyes, but WHO NEEDS HIM.

    Snotty McSnotterson

    December 10, 2008 at 8:30 PM

  22. I can't believe I didn't get more love for my "Obama-boom" neologism. 😡

    matt

    December 11, 2008 at 6:40 AM


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