Marika Malaea

faithful marauder + fake royal

Is Cat Poop Controlling You?

with 14 comments

The Dauphin of France and his sister are living with parasites; not figuratively. Literally. Martina Navratilova and Arthur Ashe were infected, too. And Louis Wain, a prominent cat artist, developed schizophrenia which some believed was due to this parasite–and a result from his prolonged exposure to cats.

You might be living with this parasitic disease, too: TOXOPLASMOSIS. The Esq explained this above diagram to me in a very academic manner : “Cats poop, you eat the poop, and now it’s in your brain.” The parasite apparently increases boy births in humans and is a possible path to schizophrenia; behaviorally, it’s said that infected men are bigger assholes and infected women are warmer, which makes sense–because nice girls always like total jerkoffs. The most unbelievable part of this story is that up to one-third of the world’s population is infected by it, although only 1-in-10 Americans have it; the discrepancy is explained by our diet and hygiene: France, a country of raw meat lovers, has a higher percentage of people infected with toxoplasmosis, as does India, a country struggling with sanitation challenges. Still, 1-in-10 people you know is A LOT; that could be your husband, your best friend, your sister. She could be infected with a parasite RIGHT NOW that lives in her beloved cat, Mr. Peepers, that somehow finds its way to her brain, and then controls how she reacts or the gender of her unborn child. Or you could go to their house, and Mr. Peepers might take a shine to you, and make you dance like a meat puppet. I’m sure it’s not that easy, but COME ON–that’s almost incomprehensible. I grew up with cats, but I can tell I’m totally fine; you guys, on the other hand, are probably going to die.

Of course, there were some ‘citations needed’ in the Wiki entry, but I still say you guys are totally screwed. This is the ‘secret reason’ the Esq vetoed a cat, besides being allergic and generally hating them; I not-so-secretly agree. I like this freakishly adorable kitten, and I love Toast, but now that I’m probably a host for some microscopic douchebag, I’m swearing off cats FOREVER. From now on, I’m sticking to bunnies.


Written by sn0tteh

December 2, 2008 at 7:38 PM

Posted in Uncategorized

14 Responses

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  1. Rabbits… hmmm… I would have thought you more of a button quail girl.

    Mathias N Oz

    December 2, 2008 at 11:00 PM

  2. Oh my god; button quails!
    I see a potential Christmas tree theme here…


    December 3, 2008 at 3:11 AM

  3. 3,287 days without a cat-shit eating incident.

    When we hit 5,000, we’re going to celebrate with a plaque…well, a needle point.


    December 3, 2008 at 5:08 AM

  4. Mathias, I do love button quails–and that video is terribly adorable. They all looked so cute and delicious.

    Snotty McSnotterson

    December 3, 2008 at 6:00 PM

  5. A button quail Christmas tree… would only work if there were real button quails stuck to the tree. I’ll get to work on that.

    Snotty McSnotterson

    December 3, 2008 at 6:01 PM

  6. GRIZ: you can’t possibly know if you have the parasite or not unless you have a DNA test–it’s not that you have to physically eat cat poop, because the parasite travels from the poop to wherever you are. Or something frightening like that.

    Snotty McSnotterson

    December 3, 2008 at 6:02 PM

  7. It is all part of the “cat agenda.” You know, the one where they take over the world through human mind control?


    December 3, 2008 at 11:55 PM


    We should go out for brunch and then get DNA tested together–fun!

    Snotty McSnotterson

    December 4, 2008 at 1:00 AM

  9. I sure hope my insurance covers DNA testing!


    December 4, 2008 at 1:23 AM

  10. You have to eat the bacteria from the poop and that is assuming the cats poop even has toxoplasmosis. 3 of my cats were negative for it and they live inside and are never exposed to stuff like that. It is extremely rare.


    December 4, 2008 at 3:07 AM

  11. P.S. Bunnies carry a wonderful skin parasite called cheyletellia (pronounced kai-lah-tea-ella) or also known as walking dandruff because they put peices of dandruff on their backs like little coats and walk around causing havoc and are IMPOSSIBLE to get rid of.


    December 4, 2008 at 8:19 PM

  12. Well, I can handle a skin parasite, although that sounds fucking DISGUSTING… although comparable to getting a parasite in YOUR BRAIN and being controlled by your kitty. Er, cat.

    Snotty McSnotterson

    December 4, 2008 at 8:49 PM

  13. I totally have this!


    December 5, 2008 at 6:33 PM

  14. Condolences! I think we all do.

    Snotty McSnotterson

    December 5, 2008 at 7:54 PM

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