Marika Malaea

faithful marauder + fake royal

The Job of Getting a Job

with 10 comments


Above: Some people consider this ‘potential’.

It’s too quiet here. In my office, in my home. It’s really insular in my apartment; all I can hear is the sound of my computer humming, which just barely covers the sound of my potential dying. I’ve never been this silent–or this bored–in my entire life. Yesterday I didn’t speak for hours, and I felt like Helen Keller. How did she do it? It’s boring because I’m my own company, and as far as that goes, I suck.

I’m sick of looking for jobs I don’t want. I’m sick of applying for jobs that I don’t want. I’m tired of crafting cover letters for jobs I don’t even want to be offered. It’s not that I don’t want to work, but I’m afflicted with what Manthony calls “being American”: I want the perfect job. Not like a DREAM JOB–[internet fame, book deal, Oprah]–but something perfect that pays the bills while I go after said dream (of which there are many, many more).

Let me just describe the perfect job for me, in this very moment: Pays good. Not a TON, but good enough. Health insurance: this is a dealbreaker. No benefits, no thanks. Weekends: I hate working weekends–everyone does. But I’ve worked weekends for the past ten years, so I think I’ve earned at least ONE weekend day off. Sundays, then. And, to quote my brother’s new girlfriend, “I’m not down with bitchass-ness”, so the people I work with should be cool; ‘merely cordial’ is also fine by me. I’d like to walk to work, or at least have a short commute, since I don’t drive/have a car, so all jobs on the Eastside are dead to me. And I’d like to have three days off a week. I would also like a $50,000 pay increase after two months of work and a boob job, but I don’t see those things happening, either.

I know, I know, I should focus on being realistic: I don’t need a boob job. Maybe I should have said ‘boob lift‘. You know, like how they emergency-airlift the barely-living to Harborview Medical Center; this is how I imagine the procedure going.

Anyways, the Esq went back to work today and I am doing my darndest to emulate him. But first: Top Ramen, the Breakfast of Champions.

[RADWORDS]: BOOB JOB, DREAM JOB, OPRAH, HELEN KELLER, DYING.


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Written by sn0tteh

October 21, 2008 at 5:17 PM

Posted in Uncategorized

10 Responses

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  1. I got a boob lift, and I highly recommend them πŸ™‚ Yay!

    Joanna

    October 21, 2008 at 7:06 PM

  2. PICTURES, PLEASE. πŸ™‚

    Nah, I’ll just feel you up at the Halloween party. Yay!

    Snotty McSnotterson

    October 21, 2008 at 7:12 PM

  3. Perhaps you can find some inspiration at http://www.jesus2020.com who has an ad on your site? There was a cupcake one yesterday, but it sadly went away.

    Manthony

    October 22, 2008 at 12:19 AM

  4. Ugh, cover letters are the worst.

    As well as boob jobs. I can’t even stand the thought of willingly going under the knife. Makes me all squirmy.

    Dorkys R.

    October 22, 2008 at 2:19 AM

  5. Manthony, I long for the day when I have an ad for Jesus Cupcakes, I really really do.

    Pray harder.

    Snotty McSnotterson

    October 22, 2008 at 6:12 PM

  6. Dorkys, I would be squirmy, too! And then I would be all, where’s my morphine drip, bitch?

    I’m not above surgery, I just don’t consider cosmetic surgery necessary in this economy. Or any economy.

    Snotty McSnotterson

    October 22, 2008 at 6:15 PM

  7. You could MAKE Jesus cupcakes!!! Sounds like a party to me!?!?!

    Manthony

    October 22, 2008 at 6:53 PM

  8. bob jobs don’t look good on me, but I HAve to say I kind of like them.

    Franco

    October 23, 2008 at 5:26 AM

  9. Bob jobs=LOL

    Franco, some boob jobs are ok. But most of them are too boob-jobby, if you take my point. Because some of them can block out the sun for an entire room of people, and that’s just annoying.

    Snotty McSnotterson

    October 24, 2008 at 7:07 AM

  10. Snotty, you can feel me up any time, any place πŸ˜‰

    Joanna

    October 24, 2008 at 9:34 PM


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