Marika Malaea

faithful marauder + fake royal

You’re a Tall Glass of Water

with 10 comments

Photo: Will the real Ben Bernanke please stand up?

Burn After Reading: go see this movie so we can talk about it and I can figure out if I really liked it. I didn’t NOT like it, which is probably the worst way to describe something ever; if the Esq ever says “Well I don’t NOT like you”, I will say “Well I’m not going to NOT kick you in the weiner”–then I will proceed to NOT-NOT set our house on fire.

I can count on one hand the Brad Pitt films I’ve enjoyed: Fight Club, Mr. & Mrs. Smith, Ocean’s Eleven, Snatch, and Se7en. Had I seen Babel or The Mexican, I’m sure I would have liked them, too, but I’m over it now. Burn After Reading might not have been the best Coen brothers film, but it certainly was the funniest character Brad Pitt has ever played. I always wondered if he could play really, really dumb, without being retarded. Turns out he can; I felt he stole the show, even thought his part was somewhat minor. I laughed out loud every time he was onscreen, and not just because he looked like a giant douche-y douchebag.

I never got that whole BRAD PITT IS THE SEXIEST MAN ALIVE thing… yeah, I guess he’s all right, but a tad bit on the Ken doll side. Truthfully, I think Angelina makes him look more interesting, physically. I also think he’s getting better looking with age, lucky bastard. I always wondered… if women across the country are fantasizing about Brad Pitt while having sex with their partners, who is Angelina Jolie fantasizing about? I would hope it would be someone like Boris Yeltsin or Roseanne Barr, just to make the world more balanced, but she probably just looks into a mirror.

I totally stole this video from Heather over at, but since she ganked it from Metafilter, it’s really just a pyramid scheme of blog theft (although I prefer to think of it as the Circle of Life–Elton John’s circle, if you were wondering). This is the type of video that makes you wonder, ‘Am I on acid?’ After you’ve figured out that you’re not–it’s only Wednesday, after all, and acid is more of a 3-day weekend type of thing–you’ll have to watch it again. As Heather pointed out, you will either love it or hate it, but she introduced it more eloquently than me. Than I. Than me. Than I. Basically, hers was better.

The actor reminds me of my little brother, Sam, for some reason, which is awesome and unfortunate at the very same time. Not physically, mind you–my little brother doesn’t hail from Fraggle Rock like this strangefellow–but the turn of phrase (charming!) and the over-acting (delightful!) reminded me of Sammywhammy. And so I have to post it, and then laugh and laugh and laugh and laugh… even though sometimes I get it, and sometimes I don’t. But I DO keep repeating the phrases I NEED YOUR TEETH FOR MY LONELY HEARTS’ CLUB BAND, SPENCER and YOU RAMBUNCTIOUS LITTLE INFANT. I wish I had written this deplorable and fantastical “screenplay”. It’s brilliant. A tall drink of water, if you will. Enjoy, or not.


Written by sn0tteh

September 17, 2008 at 10:47 PM

Posted in Uncategorized

10 Responses

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  1. I’m gonna spank you silly.

    Can you honestly say that Pitt’s role in this film is better than the quick-gibbering gypsie in Snatch? Really? Because THAT is a role i can watch over and over.

    Also, i’m disappointed that his part is minor in Burn After Reading.

    I still want to see it though.


    September 18, 2008 at 1:53 AM

  2. Brilliant, but gives me the heebie jeebies.


    September 18, 2008 at 9:42 AM

  3. Brad Pitt’s role in Snatch was awesome, but totally different from Burn After Reading. This role is… DUMB. Like, REALLY DUMB. Therefore, really funny.

    His role is major, but his screen time is more minor. See it!

    Snotty McSnotterson

    September 18, 2008 at 3:13 PM

  4. I totally think Ben Bernanke is hot too!


    September 18, 2008 at 4:24 PM

  5. Mebbe, if Ben Bernanke actually spoke like that, people would actually start peeing themselves over just how bad the American economy is about continue being. “I see you, rising inflation, you BOY. Mortgages, I am a magician. Avada Kadavra to you George Bush! You’re a tall glass of water, aren’t you Washington Mutual, I want your teeth…” etc.
    Jeebus, that kind of economic terror could even put the kibosh on the McPalin monster (at least on their ridiculous, and ridiculed, economic “strategy”)!

    By the way #1: I think it is “than me.”

    By the way #2: Haven’t seen the movie (will be waiting for dvd) but Brad Pitt conveys douche-dom mightily in the two ads I’ve seen for that movie. Incidently, the first time I saw a commercial for it I had no idea it was a Coen brothers film, because it was marketed like a Farrelly brothers film. Weird.

    By the way #3: Welcome back. Hippie.


    September 18, 2008 at 6:12 PM

  6. By the way #4: Wow. I just checked out more of the videos on youtube posted by those freaks. You must see the “There Will Be Blood” clip. If you’ve seen “There Will Be Blood.” If you haven’t, rent it now (since you’re one of those jobless people Obama keeps talking about), and then check out the clip. These guys are scary, wut.


    September 18, 2008 at 6:19 PM

  7. Hhahahahahaha Ben Bernanke and Kim, sittin’ in a tree…

    Snotty McSnotterson

    September 18, 2008 at 11:09 PM

  8. Matt: #3 I am merely THE PRODUCT of a hippie, Matt. Well, two hippies.

    Snotty McSnotterson

    September 18, 2008 at 11:10 PM



    September 18, 2008 at 11:29 PM

  10. Ack! I keep watching this video! Over and over and over again!


    September 19, 2008 at 11:12 PM

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