Marika Malaea

faithful marauder + fake royal

Friendly Duel to the Death

with 9 comments

Photo: There’s a fine line between ‘winner’ and ‘weiner’. A very fine line.

I’m “competing” this year in the Blogger’s Choice Awards (Best Humor Blog, unlike last year when I competed in just the Swimsuit Category) against one of my all-time favorite blogs: www.dooce.com. Dooce is run, and written, to near perfection by Heather Armstrong, a self-proclaimed Stay At Home Mom (or SAHM, or Shit Ass Ho Motherfucker–her words). I stumbled across Heather’s site one night when I was stalking an old boyfriend online; somehow I made it to her page, and I’ve never looked back.

This isn’t a plea for you to vote for me and not for her; this is a top-level directive that you go directly to the Blogger’s Choice Awards webshite, and vote your ass off for me. I was thinking of setting up a Triangle Scheme, where you convince five friends to vote, and they hire ten of their friends to vote, and so on and so forth; then, in the end, I swindle you and keep most of the Tupperware (and all of the votes). But I couldn’t make it work–I’m diabolical, but also very sedentary. I’m not going to beat Heather–namely because she has, you know, a cult following and has been doing this for years–but I’m also not going to take a giant beating from some shit ass ho motherfucker. Besides, she’s one of my blogging idols; she supports her family through blogging (i.e.; living my dream), and only had to be committed once (true story). Her life must be so cool–think of the drugs she’s able to afford!

At the very least, I can beat out The Communist Dance Party… they only have 105 votes so far, and I know at least 106 people (not counting imaginary friends). Plus, we’ve got a wager going, and I don’t want to lose. My thirst for competition has reached an all-time high, in part due to the lack of sweet, sweet nicotine in my life, and partially because of the goddamn heat; so lately, I just want to rip, maim, and eviscerate.

The safest place to do this is online.

If you’d like to help me (or actually think this blog is funny, whereas I find it tragic), vote swiftly like a ninja, and you will eventually be rewarded–although, truthfully, it would be a lot easier for me if you just considered it volunteer work. Remember, no one likes a sore loser, which is why we have to win.

You can find the voting polls HERE! (link updated)

**Addendum: 1. They were having some server problems earlier–of course–so if you can’t vote, just vote for me in spirit–thanks, Kiki! 2. I think you have to log in, which totally sucks–so again, spirit-voting is good for me, karmically-speaking…although if you’d like to register, it takes less than one minute and involves one Captcha, and one trip to your email. Just so you know. Thanks, all!

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Written by sn0tteh

July 3, 2008 at 6:47 AM

9 Responses

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  1. OK. I tried to give you your second vote but the system is trying to keep you down…what do you expect? you’re brown. I tried registering like 2200 times and it wouldn’t let me. So my vote is with you in spirit, which is probably as valuable as non-alcoholic beer.

    kiki

    July 3, 2008 at 1:33 PM

  2. Count me in. Your blog never ceases to induce a good gut laugh and at the VERY least-crack a smile.

    WenigGluckliches

    July 3, 2008 at 2:33 PM

  3. Thanks you guys!

    Snotty McSnotterson

    July 3, 2008 at 3:17 PM

  4. Well, I meant thanks to HER, and no thanks to your non-alcoholic beer, KYLE.

    Snotty McSnotterson

    July 3, 2008 at 3:18 PM

  5. You got my vote! All the way up to page 14!

    FreNeTic

    July 4, 2008 at 3:22 AM

  6. OK, you got my vote, even though I hate registering for those stupid sites.

    I was number 7! Wheeeee!

    Now when are we having lunch, dammit.

    seaamyst

    July 4, 2008 at 6:50 AM

  7. Well, NOW that you’ve voted, we can totally have lunch. 🙂

    Snotty McSnotterson

    July 4, 2008 at 11:12 AM

  8. “fine line between ‘winner’ and ‘weiner'”

    Now that’s fine word play, Snotty. And that’s the most adorable joke about modern day cannibalism, in your profile.

    The Hollman, Marcus
    http://wordhigh.com

    Marcus Hollman

    July 9, 2008 at 6:48 AM

  9. Oh my God, is that THE Marcus Hollman? Presidential candidate? *LOL*

    Glad you stopped by. And I quite enjoyed the cannibal joke myself, so thanks.

    Snotty McSnotterson

    July 9, 2008 at 2:37 PM


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