Marika Malaea

faithful marauder + fake royal

Friendly Duel to the Death

with 9 comments

Photo: There’s a fine line between ‘winner’ and ‘weiner’. A very fine line.

I’m “competing” this year in the Blogger’s Choice Awards (Best Humor Blog, unlike last year when I competed in just the Swimsuit Category) against one of my all-time favorite blogs: Dooce is run, and written, to near perfection by Heather Armstrong, a self-proclaimed Stay At Home Mom (or SAHM, or Shit Ass Ho Motherfucker–her words). I stumbled across Heather’s site one night when I was stalking an old boyfriend online; somehow I made it to her page, and I’ve never looked back.

This isn’t a plea for you to vote for me and not for her; this is a top-level directive that you go directly to the Blogger’s Choice Awards webshite, and vote your ass off for me. I was thinking of setting up a Triangle Scheme, where you convince five friends to vote, and they hire ten of their friends to vote, and so on and so forth; then, in the end, I swindle you and keep most of the Tupperware (and all of the votes). But I couldn’t make it work–I’m diabolical, but also very sedentary. I’m not going to beat Heather–namely because she has, you know, a cult following and has been doing this for years–but I’m also not going to take a giant beating from some shit ass ho motherfucker. Besides, she’s one of my blogging idols; she supports her family through blogging (i.e.; living my dream), and only had to be committed once (true story). Her life must be so cool–think of the drugs she’s able to afford!

At the very least, I can beat out The Communist Dance Party… they only have 105 votes so far, and I know at least 106 people (not counting imaginary friends). Plus, we’ve got a wager going, and I don’t want to lose. My thirst for competition has reached an all-time high, in part due to the lack of sweet, sweet nicotine in my life, and partially because of the goddamn heat; so lately, I just want to rip, maim, and eviscerate.

The safest place to do this is online.

If you’d like to help me (or actually think this blog is funny, whereas I find it tragic), vote swiftly like a ninja, and you will eventually be rewarded–although, truthfully, it would be a lot easier for me if you just considered it volunteer work. Remember, no one likes a sore loser, which is why we have to win.

You can find the voting polls HERE! (link updated)

**Addendum: 1. They were having some server problems earlier–of course–so if you can’t vote, just vote for me in spirit–thanks, Kiki! 2. I think you have to log in, which totally sucks–so again, spirit-voting is good for me, karmically-speaking…although if you’d like to register, it takes less than one minute and involves one Captcha, and one trip to your email. Just so you know. Thanks, all!


Written by sn0tteh

July 3, 2008 at 6:47 AM

9 Responses

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  1. OK. I tried to give you your second vote but the system is trying to keep you down…what do you expect? you’re brown. I tried registering like 2200 times and it wouldn’t let me. So my vote is with you in spirit, which is probably as valuable as non-alcoholic beer.


    July 3, 2008 at 1:33 PM

  2. Count me in. Your blog never ceases to induce a good gut laugh and at the VERY least-crack a smile.


    July 3, 2008 at 2:33 PM

  3. Thanks you guys!

    Snotty McSnotterson

    July 3, 2008 at 3:17 PM

  4. Well, I meant thanks to HER, and no thanks to your non-alcoholic beer, KYLE.

    Snotty McSnotterson

    July 3, 2008 at 3:18 PM

  5. You got my vote! All the way up to page 14!


    July 4, 2008 at 3:22 AM

  6. OK, you got my vote, even though I hate registering for those stupid sites.

    I was number 7! Wheeeee!

    Now when are we having lunch, dammit.


    July 4, 2008 at 6:50 AM

  7. Well, NOW that you’ve voted, we can totally have lunch. 🙂

    Snotty McSnotterson

    July 4, 2008 at 11:12 AM

  8. “fine line between ‘winner’ and ‘weiner'”

    Now that’s fine word play, Snotty. And that’s the most adorable joke about modern day cannibalism, in your profile.

    The Hollman, Marcus

    Marcus Hollman

    July 9, 2008 at 6:48 AM

  9. Oh my God, is that THE Marcus Hollman? Presidential candidate? *LOL*

    Glad you stopped by. And I quite enjoyed the cannibal joke myself, so thanks.

    Snotty McSnotterson

    July 9, 2008 at 2:37 PM

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