Marika Malaea

faithful marauder + fake royal

The Parent Trap

with 7 comments

Man, I killed on cupcakes tonight. KILLED. I was a cupcake-decorating machine. Had you lived in my building, you would have heard me in the kitchen, screaming, “SHIT! SHITSHITSHITSHITSHIT!” – just like Martha Stewart. I lost a few soldiers along the way, but poured one out for my homies and moved on. When it comes to cupcakes, you have to be focused. That’s how you win.

The rest of our day consisted of:

Waking up:

Oren is nine and brimming with the energy of a hummingbird suffering from ADHD; I am 31 and filled with the majestic spirit of a sea cow. At 9:15AM, he came into our room where I was happily drooling in my sleep, and said, “It’s NINE A.M. When are you going to get UP?!” My response: *groan*

Nintendo tour:

People often say, “I can’t believe you think my son/daughter and I are alike – I just don’t see it!” I will never have the luxury of repeating that sentence. Mother-son bonding moment of the year: singing the AIDS Song from Family Guy, together in the car. Once at Nintendo, Cory took us to lunch at the Mario Cafe, where Oren helpfully demonstrated how Hitler actually ‘heil’-ed, in front of a dozen people. Then he wanted me to buy him a Nintendo DS. Yep. He’s my kid. We then went to Archie McPhee’s, where we spent too much money, as is always the case at Archie McPhee’s.

Ballard Locks:

Hiram M. Chittenden is surely the most difficult (and ugly – sorry, I had to say it) name for a place so pretty. The sun was out and we wandered around, watching the ships and rolling down grassy hills. The Esq and I saw a young girl on a leash that was attached to her unicorn backpack – at some point I said something negative about putting children on leashes, and the Esq replied, “I thought it was to prevent the unicorn from running off with the child.”

Smokey Pete’s:

We ended up eating at one of my favorite BBQ joints in Ballard; too bad they sucked ass today. Two things I love there are the pulled-pork sandwich and the tender beef brisket. Unfortunately, they were out of both. OUT. I had a lukewarm catfish po’ boy that was okay, but I really want to go back when they have, you know, a menu again.


Cupcakes galore! We decorated them with robots, ninjas, teeth, razor blades (my personal favorite), googly eyes, action figures, HitlerPeep, sprinkles, Jesus, babies, martini glasses, fingernails, and love. I gave away most of them to my neighbors or my peeps, leaving 2 per person in this household – because no one needs to eat 24 cupcakes on their own. Again.

The Canterbury:

Met up with Ben and Bree at the ‘Bury. Food, drink, racism, AIDS, doodles, good buddies, and this out-of-context quote from Ben: “I’ll go mad trying to beat it!” If only all of my nights ended like this.

I had forgotten what an effort it is to entertain a nine-year old; I’m fucking wiped OUT. Tomorrow I’m training people at work, then off to the Science Center with Oren and Anthony! Even though I’m totally pooped, this week has been the best week ever – having the kiddo around has exceeded my expectations. He’s a decent little guy, although I fear for his shoe size; if he takes after me, he’ll be like Sideshow Bob, and I cannot let that happen.


Written by sn0tteh

April 2, 2008 at 6:20 AM

Posted in Uncategorized

7 Responses

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  1. I can totally see Oren chillen at the ‘Bury. What’s his favorite beer these days?


    April 2, 2008 at 12:38 PM

  2. He had a rootbeer float. Does that count?

    Snotty McSnotterson

    April 2, 2008 at 4:40 PM

  3. Great to see the whole family. Oren is wise beyond his years – it took me forever to ‘not care.’

    I want to bronze my cupcake, but I don’t know how. In Context.



    April 2, 2008 at 5:12 PM

  4. OMG! I woke up this morning and there were cupcakes, postcards and BACON BAND-AIDS in my kitchen! THANK YOU SO MUCH! What a nice surprise to wake up to! Now I kind of want to fake a paper cut just so I can wear one! (on my forehead!)

    Oh, and I swear (Or at least I hope) this is my last NKOTB mention for another 20 years, but I hear they will be on the TOday show on Friday morning. Just sayin’


    Michelle Auer

    April 2, 2008 at 6:02 PM

  5. You’re welcome!

    Now, if I ever see you out and about with an open wound, I will be devastated beyond belief.


    Snotty McSnotterson

    April 2, 2008 at 8:31 PM

  6. Michelle Auer

    April 2, 2008 at 10:29 PM

  7. OMFG.

    Why is DONNY in the middle? WHY?!

    Snotty McSnotterson

    April 3, 2008 at 3:49 AM

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