Relationship Update
I'm holding the banana.
Setting the Record Straight:
Snotty: You’re an innie, right?
Esq: Yeah.
Snotty: ‘Cuz I don’t date no damn outies.
Esq: I see.
The Esquire Meets His Match:
Snotty: You’re the most handsome boy I know!
Esq: Mmmhm.
Snotty: Well, second handsome.
Esq: Second to whom?
[Snotty points to the Esq's computer, which is running The Sims family that the Esq has created - everyone has apparently gathered for the Esq's birthday party.]
Snotty: That guy sitting on the couch.
Esq: That guy?!
Snotty: Yeah.
Esq: (agitated) That guy is — you know in this game, everyone has a name like Alice Higginbottom or Anna Snow. Reasonable mid-Western European names, with the occasional Asian thrown in.
Snotty: Okayyy…
Esq: This guy’s name is CyclOn3 Sword. CyclOn3. Sword.
Snotty: Hahahahahaha!
Esq: C-Y-C-L-zero-N-three.
Snotty: Bwaaaahahahahahahahaha–
Esq: And he’s just sitting on my couch, watching my TV…
Esq: …with his L33t name.
Snotty: The nerve.
Esq: He wasn’t even invited! He wasn’t even invited to my birthday party.
The Best Kind of Motivation
Esq: (in passing) It looks like people are online now, so I’m going to play for a bit.
Snotty: Didn’t you just come from playing for a couple of hours?
Esq: Well, now that my friends are online, I’m going to play for just a bit.
Snotty: How long is ‘just a bit’?
Esq: Liiiike… an… hour… or so?
Snotty: I know what that means.
Esq: (laughing)
Snotty: “I’ll see you tomorrow!” That’s what that means.
Esq: A couple of hours, maybe.
Snotty: That’s cool. I just want you to know that the entire time you’re doing that, I’m looking at wedding websites.
Esq: Really.
Snotty: Yep! For every minute you’re playing video games, I’m planning. our. wedding.
Filed Under: Innies For The Win, The Sims Is For People Who Make Fun of Second Life, I’m Not Really Planning Our Wedding (OR AM I), My Boyfriend Pwns Your Boyfriend, and I’m The Luckiest Girl In The World.
I’d sue whatever doctor gave my kid an outie. And then instill heavy shame in the kid about it. Just, gross.
BreeSeliot
July 9, 2009 at 1:40 PM
@Bree Seriously. The outie scares me. I don’t know why. Maybe the extra skin is hiding a secret video cam or something, because that’s possible.
sn0tteh
July 9, 2009 at 1:46 PM
When Allen secretly installed microphones in all of the phone jacks it made them be little outies. He said he was updating them to Cat5. True story.
BreeSeliot
July 9, 2009 at 1:48 PM
I would’ve believed him if he’d said ‘Defcon-5.’
sn0tteh
July 9, 2009 at 2:46 PM
Did he balk at the “planning our wedding” threat? Maybe you should try the Naked Persuasion next. That always works for me.
Carrie
July 9, 2009 at 7:12 PM
Naked Persuasion always works for me, too. In the dark. I’m way better in braille.
Breelentless
July 10, 2009 at 11:53 AM