Snotty McSnotterson

a hankie full of awesome

Convo: Eddie Murphy

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I give thanks to holiday conversations.

Buttercup: It’s like, ‘Oh look, another movie starring Eddie Murphy as Eddie Murphy playing Eddie Murphy who’s in an Eddie Murphy costume.’

Bothell: It’s like an Eddie Murphy turducken.

Written by sn0tteh

November 27, 2009 at 5:29 PM

Seven

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I’m a monthly contributor over at 30pov.com, and the monthly theme is: The Seven Deadly Sins. Blog post here.

Written by sn0tteh

November 25, 2009 at 11:57 AM

Wanted: Funny Bone Wrangler

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#1

For some strange reason – perhaps it’s my super hot ass or upbeat personality – I’ve been asked out/hit on more than normal this last month, and ‘normal’ usually equals ‘none.’ This is only interesting to me because 1) I’ve been feeling like shit on a stick (read: not feeling all that approachable or pretty) so I assume they all live in the same sensory deprivation tank, and 2) the Esq has this intense, specific-to-me-and-other-dudes face that I find adorable – something like the fiery-tailed Scorpio in him boiling to the surface, only to be replaced with a stoic mask of raised eyebrows and a drawn out ‘Reeeeeeeallyyy.’ It’s imperceptible to others, but he can’t fool me; his eyes change color in a flash to dark gray when he’s jealous or bothered by human emotions. I unabashedly love me a possessive wizard.

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Written by sn0tteh

November 23, 2009 at 5:49 PM

Felix dies natalis

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The Esq be 28 today. I meatloaf you, robot!

Written by sn0tteh

November 14, 2009 at 11:49 AM

Dialogue for Dessert

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I took a dialogue class at Hugo House with Keri Healey, a wonderful writer and playwright, and here was my favorite writing prompt:

Character A wants to tell Character B that he/she is having an affair, but Character B already knows and wants to avoid the pain of being told.

Okay, I’ve lived through this scenario. 1) Character A is a whore. 2) Character B is a nancy. Just so we’re clear. Character A probably thought that cheating was the easy way out (been there!); Character B doesn’t want to start over because he wasn’t a good catch to begin with (done that!). Both of these people are assholes, though on very different levels. A is most likely an attention-loving nincompoop with a knack for flirting and fruity drinks – or worse, a narcissistic control freak who’s entitled to everything. B is probably a sensitive ponytail guy, or some kind of robot workaholic. Point being, she cheats for A Reason or A Fuck-ton of Reasons, and he’s too pansy-assed to deal. Go.

A: I’m having an affair.

B: An eclair?

A: I know you heard me.

B: Huh. Well I’m having an eclair.

A: This isn’t funny. You think everything is a joke.

B: And you think nothing is sacred. Exhibit A: you’re having an eclair. Do you know how many calories you’re consuming?

A: There are no eclairs.

B: So I need to go get some, is what you’re saying?

A: Can you take nothing seriously?

B: I take eclair-eating whores somewhat seriously.

A: What did you just say to me?

B: I said “Fred Astaire-heated floors.”

A: Oh my God, I hate you.

B: I’m sorry.

A: Why are you apologizing?

B: I must have done something; maybe I didn’t give you enough love or dessert.

A: I’m moving out.

B: What? But we’re having breakfast.

A: No, you’re having breakfast. I’m moving out.

B: Pick up some eclairs on your way home from work.

I generally like any dialogue that employs denial and deliciousness, all rolled into one.

Written by sn0tteh

November 12, 2009 at 12:52 AM

Posted in Uncategorized

The Perfect Storm

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Is there someone out there for whom everything is going right? If so, raise your hand – someone will be along to take back that which is rightfully mine, and slay you in single-handed combat.
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November 10, 2009 at 9:19 PM

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Convo: Shakespearean Love

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Snotty: I love thee.

Esq: I love thee!

Snotty: Shall I compare thee to a summer’s day?

Esq: Sure.

Snotty: June 22nd.

Esq: Excellent.

Written by sn0tteh

November 6, 2009 at 11:09 AM

Fade to Black

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I’m not a huge fan of the genre, but Jay-Z knows how to write.

“This is the life I chose or rather the life that chose me.”

Written by sn0tteh

November 6, 2009 at 11:00 AM

The Human Experience

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Marriage is a vital social institution. The exclusive commitment of two individuals to each other nurtures love and mutual support. [Civil] marriage is at once a deeply personal commitment to another human being and a highly public celebration of the ideals of mutuality, companionship, intimacy, fidelity, and family. Because it fulfills yearnings for security, safe haven, and connection that express our common humanity, [civil] marriage is an esteemed institution and the decision whether and whom to marry is among life’s momentous acts of self-definition. It is undoubtedly for these concrete reasons, as well as for its intimately personal significance, that marriage has long been termed a ‘civil right.’ Without the right to choose to marry, one is excluded from the full range of human experience.

-2003 Massachusetts Supreme Judicial Court decision that legalized same-sex marriage

And that’s that.

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November 4, 2009 at 10:02 PM

The Voice of This Generation, Of This Decade, Of Amie’s Party

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kanye

Resurrected the old Kanye costume for Halloween.

Thought bubble: “Halloween, Ima let you finish, but Christmas is the best holiday of all time.”

Written by sn0tteh

November 3, 2009 at 10:40 AM